When I’m in my feels I write, it gives me something productive to do instead of just cry.

Over the last 2 years we’ve done a lot of waving and hugging bye and it still hasn’t gotten any easier, and nothing prepares you.

Nothing really prepares you for the vacancy at home,
For waking up to an empty house and being all alone.

The missing sound of tiny feet and all the chatter being gone.
Driving away after holidays with empty seats just feels wrong.

Nothing prepares you for leaving them behind, or watching them drive out the driveway to go back to their home,
or the feeling that poisons that last day together knowing tomorrow you’ll wake up empty and alone.

Nothing prepares you for the tightness in your chest and the invisible hand around your neck.
Just when you think you’ve got the battle won and you can make it, the memories flood back!

The tears cloud your vision at random times in the day, and the pain that comes with missing them dulls but never goes away. It’s not as though they’re completely gone, you’ll see them again, you’ll arrange vacations and visits and burn up the FaceTime calls until you’re back together with them.

The time is never long enough, you hate for them to leave. No one really prepares you for your bigs to grow up or the way it makes you grieve.
When the first ones out you begin to grieve the others if they’re close, even though they’re still at home you know all of them leaving will hurt the most.
You learn to treasure the moments and the time that you have left, you hold them a little tighter and hug a little longer and don’t explain your eyes when they randomly become wet.
Nothing can prepare you for the way letting them grow up feels, even though you know it’s the right way you, just long for those big sit down family meals.

The laughter around the table now is a balm that heals your soul, and the pile of shoes and chaos that maybe used to bother you is let go!

Nothing really prepares you when all of you grow old, maybe something will come along and ease the ache someday like a grand baby to hold.