Sometimes the loudest voices we need to quiet are the ones inside our own heads—the critics, the doubts, the constant noise that drowns out creativity and courage.
I’m an overthinker, unfortunately a worrier, and deeply empathetic. My brain goes 24/7 and even wakes me up in the night sometimes. I’ve written about writing blogs as a way of journaling and connecting myself to the truth of God’s Word as an anchor. In the last year I accidentally discovered an activity that forces me to completely devote my whole brain to its execution, effectively silencing all of the voices. I’m not a painter, or I never have been anyway. My mother minored in art in college and taught it in public school until the funding was cut. She’s phenomenal at painting, drawing, decorating, regardless of the medium, she can create. The things she can bring to life with a simple pencil are astounding. I feel like I’ve always been a disappointment to her since I could barely draw a stick figure.
On a whim and in search of something refreshingly different, I found myself at an art studio in the Hampton-Newport News, Virginia area called Painting with a Twist. The studio offers walk-in projects—just choose a painting, pay for your canvas, and they set up your space as you follow step-by-step directions. What I didn’t expect was how much this experience would demand of me: I had to focus intently on the instructions, the color mixing, and the brushwork. It felt like my brain was running at 100%—the way your computer’s CPU spikes when it’s running a heavy program, yet somehow everything keeps working smoothly instead of crashing!
I’ll be honest: I’m not a big risk-taker. In dominoes, I only bid if I’m sure I can win. I rarely leap unless there’s a backup for my backup plan. Trying to become more flexible in this area, I realized painting was a safe, controlled way to take risks. I was honestly terrified to touch that blank canvas with my brush, not knowing if I could follow the directions. The result? My very first painting—proof that sometimes courage is as simple as making the first brushstroke.
Another reason I’d never painted before—aside from doubting my talent—was that it always seemed like such a feminine activity. While yes, I’m a woman, mom, and wife, I’m also a tomboy at heart. I love the outdoors, anything tough and dirty, and I feel awkward in dresses or shopping at boutiques. I often feel out of place at “girly” women’s events, surrounded by talented women who always look magazine-ready and have homes impeccably decorated for every season. I know this is my own hang-up—a small mindset that’s begun to shift in a big way.
With everything happening in our country right now—especially the heartbreak of the horrific loss of life in Texas—I’ve found myself doom-scrolling social media, overwhelmed by negativity. I’ve wept, prayed about, and executed ways to help every day since learning of the tragedy in the Hill Country. It’s been painful to watch compassion get lost in politicized commentary. Yesterday, I decided to try painting —to give 100% of my mind to something else for a bit, to create a moment of quiet and focus in one of my new favorite places.
There are other activities that require my full attention—hiking, for example. Shaun and I recently trekked down the Grand Canyon, and standing in awe of that landscape inspired my latest painting. That’s part of why we love hiking and backpacking: it forces us to be fully present. Sometimes you have to silence the voices, leave work at work and social media in the ether, and do something so challenging it demands all of you, right there in the moment. I never expected to find such a tool at my own dining room table, but I’m grateful to have stumbled onto it. Below is the result of yesterday’s effort to silence the noise and just be present.
I’m tagging along on a business trip with my hubs because he’s going to be relatively close to a good friend I haven’t seen in ages! As we do when he and I are on roadtrips, we picked a book to listen to. I had downloaded Jon Acuff’s “All You Need Is A Goal,” since it had been referred to me by my bestie.
There’s the link in case you’d like to get your own copy, I do earn commissions from Amazon from my referral links.
Anyhow, the first exercise he instructs readers to do is create a best moments list. He goes on to list some of his own best moments as well as others so there are ample examples of what those could look like. He even talks about the difficulty in focusing on yourself enough to call attention to some of your accomplishments as you recognize them as best moments. Not all best moments are accomplishments. Later you’ll categorize these moments into 4 different categories: experience, accomplishments, relationship, & objects.
This will not be a book review, it’s the doing of this exercise that captured my attention from a mental health standpoint.
As Shaun and I began to form our lists audibly calling out loud our best moments and reminiscing there were tears, smiles, laughter and joy. Jon said the 40’s hit a little different and are characterized by self reflection which I find to be true.
Today has been a gray day and it sputtered rain off and on all day. This is the typical kind of day that usually gets me down and blue, but this exercise made me really focus on so many of the good and wonderful moments I’ve had in my life. It’s very difficult to be gloomy when you’re focusing on those moments and literally writing them down on a piece of paper that you can stare at. It’s very difficult to ignore the truth you’re very plainly listing out and continue in false and dark thoughts attempting to consume your mind.
I listed things like
-meeting my husband,
-getting to be pregnant 3 times
-having 3 beautiful babies!
-The sound of our children’s laughter even as adults especially when we’re all together.
-Our first trip to CO and every trip since that allowed us to meet some of the most incredible people who have become family and not just friends.
-Specific hunts
-our Little Buddy
-Frankie the Tortoise
-church camp 2018
-publishing my first book!
-and so on!
My list is soooooo long and it’s hard for me to continue to be blue with all of these clearly wonderful moments staring at my face! This will be an exercise I employ when I feel myself being blue, and it’s one you can use too.
As a believer, I have long known the expression “count your blessings” which makes me think of the song and then the following lyric “name the one by one.” This isn’t a new tactic, clearly it’s been in use awhile!
Further, I’ve long learned to employ the verse about taking my thoughts captive in 2Corinthians 10:5 and forcing them to be obedient to the will of a Christ. To turn them from gloom and despair to what Paul suggested us to focus on in his letter to the Philippians,
Philippians 4:8 (NASB95): Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Sometimes hearing that and doing it are two separate battles and trying to use it to reprogram your thought processes can be just as tough. This exercise however, is a simple one that set me on the right path today. I know that all good things come from my Father above, so if I’m listing out blessings, that’s focusing on lovely things that are worthy of praising our Father about.
If you’re struggling with depression, what could it hurt to grab a pen and paper and start listing some of your best moments, any favorite memory. You’ll see that the truth, and what you’re feeling, aren’t in alignment right now and you need to continue to focus on these “bests” to have them help you reprogram your “stinkin thinkin.” This worked for my stinkin thinkin today!!
The next book I listen to will be “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” by Joseph Nguyen https://amzn.to/3OeRJHE and I’ll see if there’s anything practical and helpful I can use and share with others in there!
When I’m in my feels I write, it gives me something productive to do instead of just cry.
Over the last 2 years we’ve done a lot of waving and hugging bye and it still hasn’t gotten any easier, and nothing prepares you.
Nothing really prepares you for the vacancy at home, For waking up to an empty house and being all alone.
The missing sound of tiny feet and all the chatter being gone. Driving away after holidays with empty seats just feels wrong.
Nothing prepares you for leaving them behind, or watching them drive out the driveway to go back to their home, or the feeling that poisons that last day together knowing tomorrow you’ll wake up empty and alone.
Nothing prepares you for the tightness in your chest and the invisible hand around your neck. Just when you think you’ve got the battle won and you can make it, the memories flood back!
The tears cloud your vision at random times in the day, and the pain that comes with missing them dulls but never goes away. It’s not as though they’re completely gone, you’ll see them again, you’ll arrange vacations and visits and burn up the FaceTime calls until you’re back together with them.
The time is never long enough, you hate for them to leave. No one really prepares you for your bigs to grow up or the way it makes you grieve. When the first ones out you begin to grieve the others if they’re close, even though they’re still at home you know all of them leaving will hurt the most. You learn to treasure the moments and the time that you have left, you hold them a little tighter and hug a little longer and don’t explain your eyes when they randomly become wet. Nothing can prepare you for the way letting them grow up feels, even though you know it’s the right way you, just long for those big sit down family meals.
The laughter around the table now is a balm that heals your soul, and the pile of shoes and chaos that maybe used to bother you is let go!
Nothing really prepares you when all of you grow old, maybe something will come along and ease the ache someday like a grand baby to hold.
I am definitely not the inventor of that phrase but it’s so very true. It’s a lesson that has taken me way into my adult years to learn where it applies to myself, but I have no trouble seeing the beautiful masterpieces other self-proclaimed broken people color with their lives. More specifically, one of my favorite things to do is to help others see the masterpieces they have painted or are still capable of painting through their brokenness as they cling to God. They literally paint the survival guide for someone going through the same thing. While I see this beauty in others, I often have a tough time recognizing it in myself. Just the other day I encouraged a friend who was struggling with his brokenness with the same words of this title. But 2 weeks later while I was having a pity party, I protested to my husband about my uselessness because I’m broken!
Sidenote
* Ya’ll should probably pray for him because while we are all saints as believers in Christ (1Corinth 1:2) this man is like a hyper saint, just saying.
This is not something our boys have ever struggled with. They’ve learned this lesson and demonstrated it to me on more than one occasion, two that still bring tears to my eyes. We had been to the zoo and on a rare splurge each of the kids selected an overpriced animal from the gift shop. They were young, Tristan, our youngest, was probably 5 or 6 years old. Later in the year we discovered one of the dogs had used one of the back legs of T’s warthog as a chew toy and it was badly mangled. While headed on my way to throw him in the trash, Tristan took off to the bathroom asking if we had any band aids. Instead of throwing him out, Tristan’s first thought was to heal or bandage what was broken. When he realized I was about throw the wart hog away he was incredulous and took him from my hands with tears in his eyes as he said, “if I was wounded would you just throw me out?” …..and the Oscar goes to….TRISTAN. However, Tristan is now 16 and we still have that warthog with medical tape on his back leg which I dutifully applied through tears!
As I sit here unpacking Christmas ornaments, I came across what has become the mascot for our tree and truthfully my life. Frist of all, I am not allowed to do our main tree as a fancy themed tree. I did this one year and was so proud of myself and even had a few people comment about how it looked like it belonged to a department store. My kids HATED it, they prefer our crazy ornaments collected throughout the years that hold special memories and sentimental value. Deep down I agree with them. And so it is that the first ornament I unpacked this year would be the glass dinosaur with the band aid on his bum where his tail should be. Tristan went through a dinosaur stage as every little boy does and had received a treasured dino ornament for Christmas one year. Not wanting a repeat of the warthog guilt as even without a leg that warthog still dutifully snuggles, when we discovered the dino’s tail had broken off, I quickly set to work healing what was broken. That dino still looks beautiful on the tree and under our skilled hands we are able to place him in positions to shine without ever really noticing he’s broken.
This is our relationship with God the Father. We are all broken by our sin and the sufferings of this world wrought by ours and others sin (Rom 3:23). But in Christ we are new creations (2Corinthians 5:17). He starts a work in us that will be completed on the day Christ Jesus returns (Phil 1:6). Healing and restoration is a process for anyone, but we have a supernatural healer working on us who promises to stay right by our sides regardless of the path he calls us to walk (Psalm 23, Psalm 18.33). We have a supernatural strength inside us even in our weakness for when we are weak, Christ’s “grace is sufficient for us and His power is made perfect in weakness” (2Corinth 12:9). When Paul wrote Philippians 4:13 he wasn’t saying he could lift an SUV through Christ who strengthens him, or pass a test, win a game, get a promotion etc. He was talking about persevering through any season of life and any circumstance because of the power of Christ inside him, being content and joyful in seemingly unjoyful circumstances like prison and poverty, for Paul, because of our hope in our Savior Jesus Christ. When we are tethered to Jesus, regardless of our brokenness and hurt, be it physical or emotional we are broken crayons that can very much still color! We are that warthog with the bandaged leg and the dino with the bandaged bum, still useful to our Creator who is more than capable of healing our brokenness!
Please tell me you pronounced that title like it was said on “The Princess Bride”!? In all actuality I was wanting to stay in my horse world with horse thoughts, but I’m doing a zoom Bible study with a group of women about combatting lies we have believed with the truth found in the Word of God. This week was about???? You guessed it MAWAGE, or in case you haven’t seen “The Princess Bride”, (shame on you! LOL) marriage.
Coming from a broken home in a society where divorce is the norm I really never understood the symbolism of marriage. I understood that it was an important commitment to be taken seriously and except in cases of extreme exceptions, marriage is lifelong. I didn’t start to truly grasp the Biblical imagery of marriage until well over a decade into my marriage. Additionally, I carried and still catch myself carrying some unhealthy or incorrect thoughts, fears, and ideas about marriage. It is always when I come to the Word of God that I am able to see those imperfections and allow His Word to correct them and then act on them.
We understand the concepts of monogamy, and faithfulness that are true of a marriage, in Genesis 2:24 “husband and wife are joined together and become one flesh.” We even see the Old Testament prophets (specifically Hosea)compare God’s people to a wife cheating on her husband, God.
Often, we incorrectly think marriage means one or the other spouse loses their individuality. This was especially true in my case when well-intentioned people taught me what is required of me to be a Godly wife and explained the expectation of submissiveness citing Ephesians 5:22. Under their tutelage my life would now revolve around my husband and I would care for his every need, clean the house, wash the clothes, raise the children, make myself available to him and serve him. Under instruction like that, I was basically walking rebellion looking for a place to happen. If you look at that entire passage and unpack the rest of it and back up to Ephesians 4:15-16 as well, you understand that “as husbands are to be the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything,” we are really talking about leadership and so much more. Unpack that whole passage from Eph 5:22 down to verse 33 and sprinkle in Eph 4!
Ephesians 5:22-33New American Standard Bible 1995
Marriage Like Christ and the Church
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church [a]in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she [b]respects her husband.
Understanding God’s attributes also helps us to better understand the relationship between husband and wife as we submit to the authority of God. We know that God is needless, and is not served by human hands according to Acts 17:25. We also know that according to Psalm 145:8-9 that He is gracious, merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and good to all. In the passage in Ephesians 5 above, we see evidence of the husband’s responsibility to exhibit characteristics of these attributes, and trust me, a man like that is easy to follow! The body of Christ has Christ as the head, the leader. So a wife should be inclined to follow the husband’s leadership. John Piper uses “the inclination to yield or a disposition to follow because no subjection to another human is absolute. The husband does not replace Christ as the woman’s supreme authority.” Humans, including our husbands, are sinful and we should never follow them into sin. This is certainly building the picture of a relationship between husband and wife that because I love and trust him, I want to follow him while understanding we are both in subjection to God as we together follow Him.
Interesting, now we’re getting somewhere I’m on board with going. This is painting a picture of God’s relationship with His people, the church, believers in Christ Jesus as Savior and Lord. Just as God allowed the use of the different individual writing styles of the men who penned the 66 books of the Bible as the Holy Spirit led, being in submission to God or our husband’s doesn’t mean we lose our individuality nor are we becoming their nanny as if they aren’t capable of doing anything for themselves. We are all members of one body, but all do not have the same function, yet all are needed for the body to be complete and effective. Just as members of the body are gifted with certain spiritual giftings to be used to serve and make the body of Christ stronger and more effective, I also have individual and specific traits that when paired with my husband make our partnership better, capable of more than we could each achieve separately. The hand may bring food to the mouth, and the mouth may chew, but the nutrients never get used in the body without the digestive system. All of these parts are needed to work in their individual ways collectively to accomplish a main goal. While I have had the great privilege of being able to stay home with our kids and start my own business while my hubby works outside the home, I do end up doing most of the housework, childcare, and a lot of the cooking, but make no mistake, my hubby is capable of doing all of those things too and does as do our kids. He doesn’t do them to “help me out,” he does them because he lives here too, and we together had children and we all collectively make the messes so we all collectively clean them up.
For years I compared myself to women I held on a pedestal of being the perfect submissive wives with their clean houses and washed folded, and put away laundry, their organizing gadgets, and their calm, gentle and quiet ways with everyone. I tend to be a little louder, and sometimes too opinionated, I don’t think mating socks should ever have been a thing, and I like tidy, but I also prefer our home look like we live there, and you can feel comfortable relaxing there too. I have always been what others previously called a tomboy, I prefer the outside to the inside and when I am inside, I like to bring the outside in with me, so it doesn’t feel quite so inside. I love so many of the things the boys love, hunting, fishing, muscle cars and tough trucks, baseball, shooting, and don’t mind competing with them to prove it, since birth ya’ll. All of these things together made me feel like I’d never be the perfect organized, decorative, clean freak, soft-spoken, timid, servant and prayer warrior of wife that I thought I had to be. All I can say now is, THANK GOD I’M NOT what I thought I was supposed to be. Those women are absolutely what THEIR husbands need, and they are slaying what God called them to do inside THEIR giftings for THEIR families.
My husband needed all of the things I thought were wrong about me as well as being a servant of Christ and prayer warrior! He’s needed an actual warrior at times to stand beside him and wield a sword and he’s needed me to stand in front and shield him when he’s needed to catch a breath. My kids, all believers, have been made Holy through the blood of Christ, but they are also a little hood! So sometimes I have to break out my hood side and set things straight! We’re a little hood and holy! I honestly think if I was less Jael and more Esther or Naomi like, that I wouldn’t have been capable of being up to the task of being Shaun’s help mate! The way God made me wasn’t a mistake and I’m not some rebellious jezebel, which I have actually been called, bless her heart, I know she meant well. I’m definitely a sinner who needed a Savior and I’m in definite need of staying in the Word of God and asking forgiveness when I realize I have behaved in a way that is contrary to God’s will, but I was uniquely made by Him for MY race and MY family so I have different strengths and talents than other women who need what God gifted THEM with for THEIR families and THEIR RACE.
You may be feeling some of these same things too. I’ve talked with many a woman who doesn’t understand why she was made a certain way instead of like some other lady whom she clearly admires. I can assure you; I’ve been there, and comparison is a joy thief and, in this case, a great way the enemy attacks and whoops up on us or lets us whoop up on ourselves! I can also assure you that God does not make mistakes, He is perfect the Bible says so in Matthew 5:48. As long as you are following Him and yielding to His leadership your fierceness, timidity, or insert any adjective that obviously does not contradict the word of God, meaning it is not sinful. Those qualities about you are exactly the way you are supposed to be for YOUR race as you pursue Christ and use your uniqueness to help both the body of Christ be more effective as well as your marriage while you use them in your role as wife and bondservant of Christ!
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My bestie just sent me a super fun insta reel of someone describing what it means to give off “horse girl” vibes. There were several girls attempting to jump several jumps as a horse would in an arena and the conversation is layered over the video. At the end, the one thing that truly defines a horse girl is being unapologetically themselves. I instantly replied that I definitely aspire to be a horse girl when I grow up!
Toddler me and the beginning of a life long love!
The truth is I’ve been around horses all of my life and I’ve been around girls who love horses equally as much as I do and girls who love them even more than I do. I think we all unapologetically admit to our love of horses even when it seems crazy or financially irresponsible, but one thing I know about all of us from the most experienced and successful to the hobby horse lover, is that we are all susceptible to the lies Satan is so good at tempting us to believe, especially about ourselves. Even the most unapologetically themselves horse girl has doubts, fears, and sometimes anxiety that her horse can sometimes be the cause of and sometimes temporarily relieve!
Smokey gets so excited to see me he sits right down for a visit sometimes! These are the best conversations!
This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. I’ve declared on more than one occasion that horses are the most stressful stress relievers on the planet, any horse related endeavor can often be a logistical nightmare! My relationship with my equine has taught me so much and caused me to reflect on myself and situations with new eyes. ( I say equine because if I left my mule, Smokey, out of my musings he’d be offended and surely retaliate in an inconvenient but not dangerous way, he can be petty sometimes!)
Mountain views scream the magnificence of God our Creator
When I go out to feed, check on, ride, or just smell my equine they could care less what I look like, or how I’m dressed. They spell love T-I-M-E and also maybe F-E-E-D (insert laughy face) but seriously, they don’t care what I look like, or smell like as long as I show up. It should go without saying that my relationship with God is the same way, He doesn’t care what I look like, how I smell, make up or no make up, messy bun or ball cap.
Lena poses for selfies and always goes with the flow!
When I climb through that fence and I spend time with my arms around one of my equine, listening to their snorting as they eat grass, their tails swishing and breathing in their smell, or I simply just sit in the pasture and be near them, watching them and observing their behavior I find myself relaxing, breathing more deeply, and experiencing a moment of peace. This is the same way I feel every time I am intentional to seek God, to spend time in His Word and allow His Word to correct with it’s truths the lies I’ve been deceived into believing, but unlike the pasture, long after I’ve gone on with the rest of my day, His word is hidden in my heart and His presence dwelling within me continues to guide and direct me.
Mo and Cricket are not nearly as impressed with Wesley’s antics
It is very often as I stand draped across or around one of the horses or riding at sunrise on a cool mountain morning that my soul sings in gratitude of the goodness of God. I specifically remember one morning ride in the mountains in Colorado while the sun began to rise and pierce through the last yellow leaves of the aspens to bathe the forest floor. As we quietly rode through the unbelievable beauty of God’s creation, tears streamed down my face and my soul seemed to hum a song in awe of God’s magnificence. Talking to the Lord while breathing in the aroma of horse (why is this not a candle) is a common occurrence for me. There’s something about the view from the saddle, or even the pasture that always shifts my gaze and my thoughts to the Lord.
Colorado morning mountain rides
Horse girls may have some defining characteristics, like hay in their hair, poop on their boots, being able to tack out by themselves and maybe seeming a little obsessed with our equine sometimes, but for me, God has used my love of horses(and mules) to show me things about His love for me and how much more peaceful and rooted I stand when I’m intentional about seeking Him, observing Him, and spending time in His Word and His presence.
Pedernales Falls, TX with Lena, Cricket and Skeeter and the kiddos
At this point the world knows I have a 60 pound escape artist of a tortoise! He’s escaped at our home in Texas and he’s escaped at our home in Virginia. The first time he escaped it was completely my fault, I left the gates open! Future escapes have been because he’s strong, or major rain events have caused deterioration to his pen, or something on his pen broke or wore out like this last time. Sometimes it takes us a bit to figure out what we need to fix. As a result he’s now outfitted with a tracker!
There’s always tears and heartache when I lose Franklin. This time was no different. He was gone for 6 days and I cried every one of them. I searched every single day even in the rain knowing the weather was too cool in the evenings for him to go too far or move too much. He was ultimately found less than a half mile from the house by the sweetest girls who were just as elated at having found him an reunited him with us as we were that they found him and he was safe and sound.
I realized while taking steps to ensure we don’t have to go through this heartache again that there was something far more beautiful that has happened each time Frankie has been found.
In our community in Texas and in our community here in Virginia when the trumpet blast was sounded via social media, word of mouth, and text or phone calls, the community sprung into action to help us. When people you don’t know, have never met, and maybe never will, take the time to not only share your post, but to physically go out and walk the neighborhood, to message or comment words of encouragement and let you know they’re praying it ads dimension to the relief of finding Frankie. This is the beauty of community! God created us in His image which includes living in relationship and community together with Him but also with each other.
Finding Frankie in Texas and Virginia has come with its beauty and relief but seeing communities come together to support us in both of those places has been so much more beautiful. Honestly, we were longing for the same type of connection to our new community here in Virginia that we have in Texas. Finding Frankie helped us to see the beauty of this precious community and see with new eyes the joy of connecting to others in it.
I can only imagine what life was like in the early church in Acts chapter 2 as they daily met together and broke bread in their homes and shared their meals and “God added daily to their numbers those who were being saved!” Acts 2:47
Community, connection, unity is important, Paul writes about having the same mind in Philippians 2 loving one another and being united in spirit intent on one purpose. Specifically, he even noted to consider others interests as important as your own.
Our community considered my interests in Finding Frankie. They demonstrated love to us and we are so grateful to be a part of them, but also to see God’s word more clearly as we think about living in community and being united in one spirit intent on furthering the gospel.
This may mean sacrificing my time, my wants, my preferences so that someone else will come to know Jesus as Savior and King. As I reflect on how our community responded in love to help us find Frankie, I also reflect on God’s word and purpose for our lives and the tenacity with which he leaves the 99 to find the one lost (Matt 18 and Luke 15) and hope that we demonstrate that same zeal for sharing the gospel with the lost!
Have you ever walked around in the dark behind someone who had a flashlight but you didn’t? I remember this one time, in Texas of course, we were hog hunting. I can’t remember if Shaun and I were dating or had just gotten married but we were hog hunting with dogs with Shaun’s dad. I was new to hog hunting and had not run in and caught my first hog at that point. At that time I was the one who ran in after the dogs had caught and the guys had reached the hog and needed someone to pull the catch dogs off and secure them. Anyway, the bay dogs bayed in a pine thicket and we were fairly close, Shaun and his dad took off running with the catch dogs pausing to let them go as soon as they were close enough. You could hear the rally of hogs when they ran in. You could also hear the moment the catch dogs caught. I was not as brave, courageous, crazy at that time and didn’t run in as fast as the guys but I was headed that way. I was jogging in the pitch black of night without a flash light or a head light on my cap while hogs of various sizes were running out right past me and away! I remember being terrified but knowing I had to show up and do my part on our team. Depending on the size of the hog or if they had two separate hogs rather than one, they could use my help. I literally started saying out loud over and over, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” from Philippians 4 verse 13. Granted, I was taking it wildly out of context because I didn’t know any better at that time but in retrospect even then, in my belief I realized where strength and power came from. I realized that to go on in difficult or terrifying situations I would have to rely on God.
Fast forward 22 years, more hog hunts than I can count although now we don’t have any dogs to enjoy chasing around the woods and we do our night hunting with thermals, a whole other level of disorienting and not being able to decipher what you’re seeing with your naked eyes when switching back and forth for a while walking around. I was meeting the hubs for dinner, but needed to get diesel because I’m one of those people who likes to let it get dangerously low. In my defense the light had not even come on this time! Now that I’m in my forties I find it difficult to read things without my glasses, this is a fun little thing that is apparently gifted to you pretty much on your 40th birthday. Anyhow, I couldn’t really read the sign to tell how much diesel was from that distance but the closer I got the more clearly I could see it. I was reflecting on the fact that I can actually see long distances well and it is usually only reading and computer work I struggle with. Then I reminisced about hog hunting experiences when I didn’t have a light or a thermal and just trusted following along behind Shaun or Daddy (Shaun’s Dad).
I thought about how much that describes my faith, realizing that when Paul wrote that we “walk by faith and not by sight” in 2nd Corinthians 5:7 he was talking about believing in the gospel and works of God when we have not seen it as Jesus mentioned in John 20:29. The Old Testament Jews witnessed the power of God in mighty ways and many of the New Testament Jews and Gentiles, witnessed Jesus Himself. For me it’s always easier to trust something I’ve seen with my own eyes, but that’s not faith, you have indisputable proof and answers, you don’t have to have faith. To me, I do have indisputable proof of the truths of the Bible, both historical and experiential, but I don’t have all of the answers or understand everything, that’s why walking by faith is necessary.
Not having needed the therapy session of writing in a while I was able to dwell on what the Lord has brought me through and assured me of in this new season. If he had allowed me to see the big picture in fine detail like I can when I put my reading glasses on, I wouldn’t have learned as much, grown as much, tasted humble pie that I didn’t want to eat but definitely needed a piece of, and I wouldn’t be as grateful for the goodness and faithfulness of God as I am right now. As I drove towards those gas stations last night continuing to move forward but not knowing which one I was going to pull into until I could clearly see the prices, I thought that’s exactly what this last season looked like. We knew the direction we were supposed to walk obediently in but we couldn’t see the picture clearly. My focus is so much clearer now and God and an amazing group of Bible study ladies, have helped me to untether from needing to walk by sight and tether myself to walking by faith even when I can’t see clearly.
We joke sometimes in Bible study, especially when studying Revelation, when we struggle with something we are reading that we always just go back to the attributes of God and think about what we KNOW about his character revealed to us plainly in His word, and then think about how what we are struggling with aligns with His attributes and the metanarrative of the Bible. If it isn’t for our good and His glory and to win people to the Lord or help them walk in obedience then it’s stinking thinking. Walking in faith means I don’t always understand, but just like my relationship with my husband…and our dogs…I trust him, even when it’s scary, or I’m hurting, I walk forward in obedience, sometimes having to drag my feelings along behind me, and just as they are now, eventually the picture becomes clearer and more of God’s amazing character is revealed and my feelings align with my obedience. I see God continuing to work on me just as He promised! If I had seen it clearly in the beginning it wouldn’t have caused me to grow or stand more in awe and worship giving God the glory and trusting Him even more. I’m so grateful He’s not finished with me yet, even if moving forward isn’t always easy!
You Lead, I’ll Follow (If you know that Jamie Grace song, you’re welcome for it now being stuck on repeat in your head!)
With all of the end of the year banquets, and graduation announcements flooding the mail and social media it’s hard not to think about the high school graduates right now. This is true for us especially as our own daughter has just graduated and started her official first year as a full-time college sophomore, but also because we were the Directors of Students at Frist Baptist Grapeland and were with our oldest son’s group since they were freshman, actually 8th graders! OH the memories! Thirteen of them graduated and saw one season of their lives change into a new exciting, and for some, possibly a scary or intimidating season, just as Grace embarks on now. Shaun and I have an anchor verse that we generally write on personalized messages to them, Proverbs 3:5-6, it will be our text for today and it’s not only applicable to graduates in this new season, but to us as well and especially to me as I have shared about entering a new season of my life.
One of my very favorite things about Scripture is that Scripture Interprets Scripture. Scripture is internally consistent, other verses can help interpret other verses, we’ve even talked some about the “big ideas” or metanarratives, and themes throughout Scripture with loads of Scriptures that tie together to bring a full understanding of the theme or metanarrative. In both of these situations, the author is God, so there’s no room for human error of interpretation. Why am I saying all of this? The previous piece on “Hinds Feet” can help us to better understand today’s “direction of our path”!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.”
Proverbs 3:5-6
Whatever we go through in life, we are to trust in the Lord and not lean on our understanding and let God direct our path. What do we know about our understanding? It’s a tough pill to swallow, but
Proverbs 21:2 tells us “Every man’s way is right in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the hearts.”
So what about our hearts?
Jeremiah 17:9 tells us “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”
BUT GOD! I’m SO thankful for his love and mercy, for loving us while we were still sinners(Rom 5:8) and sending his Son to reconcile us to himself through his atoning sacrifice and defeat of death (2 Corinth 5:18, 1John 2:2)! When we trust God with all of our heart and we acknowledge Him in all of our ways, HE directs our paths, He’s the captain of our ship, the trail guide, the pilot, the driver! Does that change the terrain? Does that mean there won’t be potholes, storms, turbulence, or sheer rocky cliffs? We learned previously that those are some of the exact places God has already equipped us with “hinds feet” to trod, that when we trust God and are in pursuit of Him and understand that He gives us “hinds feet” to handle the terrain HE sets us on, regardless of our circumstance, we don’t have to be fearful, and we aren’t alone because He is with us wherever we go! HOW COMFORTING IS THAT!? Isn’t it awesome how all of these Scriptures connect together to help us deepen our understanding of the love of God and how He in His divine wisdom which is incomparable (Psalm 40:5, Isa 46:5) to anything, has spared no details! As we traverse these next few days, weeks, years, and for some, a new season of life, let’s be sure that we are being intentional about untethering ourselves from our way, and trusting God and acknowledging Him to direct our paths!
Do you ever have days you just want to make a blanket fort and hide inside it with your coloring books and crayons? My Bestie and I joke about that a lot, although I think if I legit made a blanket fort she’d probably bring the crayons and join me! Recently, it seems there’s been no shortage of trials in our lives. It seems like just when we get through something and start to breathe and think of enjoying a moment the phone rings and BAM another wave of difficulty, or BAM something breaks down, or tragedy strikes, you get the idea.
The other night Shaun and I both woke up at 2am with 1.53 million thoughts running through our heads and couldn’t go back to sleep. He had different stressors than I did, and his brain was trying to prepare how to have difficult but intentional conversations the next day that would help rather than isolate and lead to unity and team building, among 1.52 million other things. I was laying there questioning every decision I’ve made in the last 2 years and reflecting on the will of God and praying about whether I was following Him or me. We are definitely two different people, when Shaun frets with things, he comes up with workable solutions mid fret and lets the Holy Spirit lead him. I tend to initially act like Chicken Little running around screaming that the sky is falling, and then finally manage to yield to the Holy Spirit and let Him comfort and guide me through things. It takes me a minute to capture my thoughts and beat them into submission. Shaun and I talked until 3 that night before we finally managed to drift back to sleep, I fell asleep mid prayer, this happens so much. I saw a cartoon on Facebook posted by a friend today that is the literal picture of what happens to me when I focus on my problems and stressors and when I focus on the problem solver, rather than counting sheep, focus on the Shepherd!
This reminds me of the passage in Matthew 14:22-33 when Peter has the bright idea to walk to Jesus on the water while wind was causing the boat to be buffeted (beaten) by waves, and Jesus tells him to “Come”. Bro was doing fine the whole time he kept his eyes on Jesus but when he started to focus on the wind around him, he started sinking. Literally my life!
On Tuesdays I do a zoom Bible study with a group of ladies from all over, I’m new to the group, this is my first study with them, but they readily embraced me and made me feel like we’ve been doing life together for years. We are studying Revelation which can certainly make you focus on calamity, especially with the wrong perspective! Nancy Guthrie’s accompaniment book “Blessed” has been tremendously helpful in focusing on Jesus throughout all of the confusing and heavy passages. We were discussing interpretations of some of those passages yesterday and discovered it really kind of depends on where you stand eschatologically. Which is a big word that just means study of the end times. I used to be a “pan theologist” meaning Revelation is tough, just trust Jesus and it will all “pan out”, but then I listened to one pastor talk and I decided that I believed that believers would likely have to face the tribulation or at least part of it, this is known as post-tribulation, or mid-tribulation. Then I listened to another teacher who I affectionally call Professor, because he’s literally one of the smartest most humble people on this planet! Anyhow, after his class I decided I was a pre-tribulation believer. Then I went to seminary and just became more confused, I think! There are still even more viewpoints of the end times because technically those labels are just in regard to a specific event in the Bible concerning the end times. Check out this simple chart and then I’ll try not to confuse myself anymore and know that there are still scholars studying and debating and they don’t even have it all figure out yet.
So, when I say pre-trib, mid-trib, post-trib, I’m also stating what I believe inside one of the above categories. The trib refers to the great tribulation and the pre, post, or mid refer to the timing of all believers (the church) being raptured (gathering together of believers in clouds with Jesus and taken from Earth) 1Thessalonians 4:13-18. See why pan-theology is starting to sound nice right about now! How you view these will be impacted by your Covenant Theology (your study and belief of God’s Covenants). Cue Raychel beginning to run around like Chicken Little! Truthfully, I really have and do sort all of this out by reading Scripture and allowing it to inform and instruct me, I just do it like one would eat an elephant…one small bite at a time…Not that I encourage the eating of elephants or would eat one, it’s just a colloquial saying about doing something that seems impossible!
As we discussed a touch of this in our study our leader reminded us that the whole purpose of Nancy’s study was more of a zoomed-out view of Revelation, rather than trying to nail down every single answer to every single thing we are trying to understand (which isn’t possible), to look at it through the perspective of what it reveals about Jesus and how that impacts how we are exhorted to live our lives as it unfolds.Literally, focus on the Shepherd!We were reminded too, that what we believe about how the end times will specifically play out does not affect our salvation or the commission we all have to go and make disciples. Two believers can believe the end times and the rapture will occur differently and because they have trusted Jesus for their wage of death for their sin through His death burial and resurrection on the cross, (repentance and faith), they’ll still end up in the same place at the end! We don’t have to have all the answers, that’s not faith, and we aren’t God, that doesn’t mean we don’t study, the Bible literally tells us to do that in 2Timothy 2:15.
As we wrapped up our study and shared with each other some of the things we each have going on in our lives, I began to have the thought that adulting seems unnecessarily hard sometimes. But we could look to James chapter one and know that these trials are purposeful, and they produce perseverance which leads to maturity. Trials mean He’s still working on me and are actually a comfort because I know that I am in Him and He’s working on me (Phil 1:6), granted, some of my trials are a result of my own stupid or poor decisions, but I still learn something and grow! All of this to say that life does seem really tough sometimes, and when I focus on how hard and difficult things can be, when I focus on the problems, I get depressed and, in the dumps, and feel like it’s all unnecessary, definitely thoughts I need to Untether from. But when I tether myself to Jesus and force my eyes to look at Him and His Word, I find verses like John 16:33 and I have peace and hope in Him!
If this encouraged you at all, please consider liking, commenting, and or sharing with someone else to encourage them!
Raychel Writes 