Sometimes the loudest voices we need to quiet are the ones inside our own heads—the critics, the doubts, the constant noise that drowns out creativity and courage.
I’m an overthinker, unfortunately a worrier, and deeply empathetic. My brain goes 24/7 and even wakes me up in the night sometimes. I’ve written about writing blogs as a way of journaling and connecting myself to the truth of God’s Word as an anchor. In the last year I accidentally discovered an activity that forces me to completely devote my whole brain to its execution, effectively silencing all of the voices. I’m not a painter, or I never have been anyway. My mother minored in art in college and taught it in public school until the funding was cut. She’s phenomenal at painting, drawing, decorating, regardless of the medium, she can create. The things she can bring to life with a simple pencil are astounding. I feel like I’ve always been a disappointment to her since I could barely draw a stick figure.
On a whim and in search of something refreshingly different, I found myself at an art studio in the Hampton-Newport News, Virginia area called Painting with a Twist. The studio offers walk-in projects—just choose a painting, pay for your canvas, and they set up your space as you follow step-by-step directions. What I didn’t expect was how much this experience would demand of me: I had to focus intently on the instructions, the color mixing, and the brushwork. It felt like my brain was running at 100%—the way your computer’s CPU spikes when it’s running a heavy program, yet somehow everything keeps working smoothly instead of crashing!
I’ll be honest: I’m not a big risk-taker. In dominoes, I only bid if I’m sure I can win. I rarely leap unless there’s a backup for my backup plan. Trying to become more flexible in this area, I realized painting was a safe, controlled way to take risks. I was honestly terrified to touch that blank canvas with my brush, not knowing if I could follow the directions. The result? My very first painting—proof that sometimes courage is as simple as making the first brushstroke.
Another reason I’d never painted before—aside from doubting my talent—was that it always seemed like such a feminine activity. While yes, I’m a woman, mom, and wife, I’m also a tomboy at heart. I love the outdoors, anything tough and dirty, and I feel awkward in dresses or shopping at boutiques. I often feel out of place at “girly” women’s events, surrounded by talented women who always look magazine-ready and have homes impeccably decorated for every season. I know this is my own hang-up—a small mindset that’s begun to shift in a big way.
With everything happening in our country right now—especially the heartbreak of the horrific loss of life in Texas—I’ve found myself doom-scrolling social media, overwhelmed by negativity. I’ve wept, prayed about, and executed ways to help every day since learning of the tragedy in the Hill Country. It’s been painful to watch compassion get lost in politicized commentary. Yesterday, I decided to try painting —to give 100% of my mind to something else for a bit, to create a moment of quiet and focus in one of my new favorite places.
There are other activities that require my full attention—hiking, for example. Shaun and I recently trekked down the Grand Canyon, and standing in awe of that landscape inspired my latest painting. That’s part of why we love hiking and backpacking: it forces us to be fully present. Sometimes you have to silence the voices, leave work at work and social media in the ether, and do something so challenging it demands all of you, right there in the moment. I never expected to find such a tool at my own dining room table, but I’m grateful to have stumbled onto it. Below is the result of yesterday’s effort to silence the noise and just be present.
I’m tagging along on a business trip with my hubs because he’s going to be relatively close to a good friend I haven’t seen in ages! As we do when he and I are on roadtrips, we picked a book to listen to. I had downloaded Jon Acuff’s “All You Need Is A Goal,” since it had been referred to me by my bestie.
There’s the link in case you’d like to get your own copy, I do earn commissions from Amazon from my referral links.
Anyhow, the first exercise he instructs readers to do is create a best moments list. He goes on to list some of his own best moments as well as others so there are ample examples of what those could look like. He even talks about the difficulty in focusing on yourself enough to call attention to some of your accomplishments as you recognize them as best moments. Not all best moments are accomplishments. Later you’ll categorize these moments into 4 different categories: experience, accomplishments, relationship, & objects.
This will not be a book review, it’s the doing of this exercise that captured my attention from a mental health standpoint.
As Shaun and I began to form our lists audibly calling out loud our best moments and reminiscing there were tears, smiles, laughter and joy. Jon said the 40’s hit a little different and are characterized by self reflection which I find to be true.
Today has been a gray day and it sputtered rain off and on all day. This is the typical kind of day that usually gets me down and blue, but this exercise made me really focus on so many of the good and wonderful moments I’ve had in my life. It’s very difficult to be gloomy when you’re focusing on those moments and literally writing them down on a piece of paper that you can stare at. It’s very difficult to ignore the truth you’re very plainly listing out and continue in false and dark thoughts attempting to consume your mind.
I listed things like
-meeting my husband,
-getting to be pregnant 3 times
-having 3 beautiful babies!
-The sound of our children’s laughter even as adults especially when we’re all together.
-Our first trip to CO and every trip since that allowed us to meet some of the most incredible people who have become family and not just friends.
-Specific hunts
-our Little Buddy
-Frankie the Tortoise
-church camp 2018
-publishing my first book!
-and so on!
My list is soooooo long and it’s hard for me to continue to be blue with all of these clearly wonderful moments staring at my face! This will be an exercise I employ when I feel myself being blue, and it’s one you can use too.
As a believer, I have long known the expression “count your blessings” which makes me think of the song and then the following lyric “name the one by one.” This isn’t a new tactic, clearly it’s been in use awhile!
Further, I’ve long learned to employ the verse about taking my thoughts captive in 2Corinthians 10:5 and forcing them to be obedient to the will of a Christ. To turn them from gloom and despair to what Paul suggested us to focus on in his letter to the Philippians,
Philippians 4:8 (NASB95): Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Sometimes hearing that and doing it are two separate battles and trying to use it to reprogram your thought processes can be just as tough. This exercise however, is a simple one that set me on the right path today. I know that all good things come from my Father above, so if I’m listing out blessings, that’s focusing on lovely things that are worthy of praising our Father about.
If you’re struggling with depression, what could it hurt to grab a pen and paper and start listing some of your best moments, any favorite memory. You’ll see that the truth, and what you’re feeling, aren’t in alignment right now and you need to continue to focus on these “bests” to have them help you reprogram your “stinkin thinkin.” This worked for my stinkin thinkin today!!
The next book I listen to will be “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” by Joseph Nguyen https://amzn.to/3OeRJHE and I’ll see if there’s anything practical and helpful I can use and share with others in there!
I am definitely not the inventor of that phrase but it’s so very true. It’s a lesson that has taken me way into my adult years to learn where it applies to myself, but I have no trouble seeing the beautiful masterpieces other self-proclaimed broken people color with their lives. More specifically, one of my favorite things to do is to help others see the masterpieces they have painted or are still capable of painting through their brokenness as they cling to God. They literally paint the survival guide for someone going through the same thing. While I see this beauty in others, I often have a tough time recognizing it in myself. Just the other day I encouraged a friend who was struggling with his brokenness with the same words of this title. But 2 weeks later while I was having a pity party, I protested to my husband about my uselessness because I’m broken!
Sidenote
* Ya’ll should probably pray for him because while we are all saints as believers in Christ (1Corinth 1:2) this man is like a hyper saint, just saying.
This is not something our boys have ever struggled with. They’ve learned this lesson and demonstrated it to me on more than one occasion, two that still bring tears to my eyes. We had been to the zoo and on a rare splurge each of the kids selected an overpriced animal from the gift shop. They were young, Tristan, our youngest, was probably 5 or 6 years old. Later in the year we discovered one of the dogs had used one of the back legs of T’s warthog as a chew toy and it was badly mangled. While headed on my way to throw him in the trash, Tristan took off to the bathroom asking if we had any band aids. Instead of throwing him out, Tristan’s first thought was to heal or bandage what was broken. When he realized I was about throw the wart hog away he was incredulous and took him from my hands with tears in his eyes as he said, “if I was wounded would you just throw me out?” …..and the Oscar goes to….TRISTAN. However, Tristan is now 16 and we still have that warthog with medical tape on his back leg which I dutifully applied through tears!
As I sit here unpacking Christmas ornaments, I came across what has become the mascot for our tree and truthfully my life. Frist of all, I am not allowed to do our main tree as a fancy themed tree. I did this one year and was so proud of myself and even had a few people comment about how it looked like it belonged to a department store. My kids HATED it, they prefer our crazy ornaments collected throughout the years that hold special memories and sentimental value. Deep down I agree with them. And so it is that the first ornament I unpacked this year would be the glass dinosaur with the band aid on his bum where his tail should be. Tristan went through a dinosaur stage as every little boy does and had received a treasured dino ornament for Christmas one year. Not wanting a repeat of the warthog guilt as even without a leg that warthog still dutifully snuggles, when we discovered the dino’s tail had broken off, I quickly set to work healing what was broken. That dino still looks beautiful on the tree and under our skilled hands we are able to place him in positions to shine without ever really noticing he’s broken.
This is our relationship with God the Father. We are all broken by our sin and the sufferings of this world wrought by ours and others sin (Rom 3:23). But in Christ we are new creations (2Corinthians 5:17). He starts a work in us that will be completed on the day Christ Jesus returns (Phil 1:6). Healing and restoration is a process for anyone, but we have a supernatural healer working on us who promises to stay right by our sides regardless of the path he calls us to walk (Psalm 23, Psalm 18.33). We have a supernatural strength inside us even in our weakness for when we are weak, Christ’s “grace is sufficient for us and His power is made perfect in weakness” (2Corinth 12:9). When Paul wrote Philippians 4:13 he wasn’t saying he could lift an SUV through Christ who strengthens him, or pass a test, win a game, get a promotion etc. He was talking about persevering through any season of life and any circumstance because of the power of Christ inside him, being content and joyful in seemingly unjoyful circumstances like prison and poverty, for Paul, because of our hope in our Savior Jesus Christ. When we are tethered to Jesus, regardless of our brokenness and hurt, be it physical or emotional we are broken crayons that can very much still color! We are that warthog with the bandaged leg and the dino with the bandaged bum, still useful to our Creator who is more than capable of healing our brokenness!
Do you ever have days you just want to make a blanket fort and hide inside it with your coloring books and crayons? My Bestie and I joke about that a lot, although I think if I legit made a blanket fort she’d probably bring the crayons and join me! Recently, it seems there’s been no shortage of trials in our lives. It seems like just when we get through something and start to breathe and think of enjoying a moment the phone rings and BAM another wave of difficulty, or BAM something breaks down, or tragedy strikes, you get the idea.
The other night Shaun and I both woke up at 2am with 1.53 million thoughts running through our heads and couldn’t go back to sleep. He had different stressors than I did, and his brain was trying to prepare how to have difficult but intentional conversations the next day that would help rather than isolate and lead to unity and team building, among 1.52 million other things. I was laying there questioning every decision I’ve made in the last 2 years and reflecting on the will of God and praying about whether I was following Him or me. We are definitely two different people, when Shaun frets with things, he comes up with workable solutions mid fret and lets the Holy Spirit lead him. I tend to initially act like Chicken Little running around screaming that the sky is falling, and then finally manage to yield to the Holy Spirit and let Him comfort and guide me through things. It takes me a minute to capture my thoughts and beat them into submission. Shaun and I talked until 3 that night before we finally managed to drift back to sleep, I fell asleep mid prayer, this happens so much. I saw a cartoon on Facebook posted by a friend today that is the literal picture of what happens to me when I focus on my problems and stressors and when I focus on the problem solver, rather than counting sheep, focus on the Shepherd!
This reminds me of the passage in Matthew 14:22-33 when Peter has the bright idea to walk to Jesus on the water while wind was causing the boat to be buffeted (beaten) by waves, and Jesus tells him to “Come”. Bro was doing fine the whole time he kept his eyes on Jesus but when he started to focus on the wind around him, he started sinking. Literally my life!
On Tuesdays I do a zoom Bible study with a group of ladies from all over, I’m new to the group, this is my first study with them, but they readily embraced me and made me feel like we’ve been doing life together for years. We are studying Revelation which can certainly make you focus on calamity, especially with the wrong perspective! Nancy Guthrie’s accompaniment book “Blessed” has been tremendously helpful in focusing on Jesus throughout all of the confusing and heavy passages. We were discussing interpretations of some of those passages yesterday and discovered it really kind of depends on where you stand eschatologically. Which is a big word that just means study of the end times. I used to be a “pan theologist” meaning Revelation is tough, just trust Jesus and it will all “pan out”, but then I listened to one pastor talk and I decided that I believed that believers would likely have to face the tribulation or at least part of it, this is known as post-tribulation, or mid-tribulation. Then I listened to another teacher who I affectionally call Professor, because he’s literally one of the smartest most humble people on this planet! Anyhow, after his class I decided I was a pre-tribulation believer. Then I went to seminary and just became more confused, I think! There are still even more viewpoints of the end times because technically those labels are just in regard to a specific event in the Bible concerning the end times. Check out this simple chart and then I’ll try not to confuse myself anymore and know that there are still scholars studying and debating and they don’t even have it all figure out yet.
So, when I say pre-trib, mid-trib, post-trib, I’m also stating what I believe inside one of the above categories. The trib refers to the great tribulation and the pre, post, or mid refer to the timing of all believers (the church) being raptured (gathering together of believers in clouds with Jesus and taken from Earth) 1Thessalonians 4:13-18. See why pan-theology is starting to sound nice right about now! How you view these will be impacted by your Covenant Theology (your study and belief of God’s Covenants). Cue Raychel beginning to run around like Chicken Little! Truthfully, I really have and do sort all of this out by reading Scripture and allowing it to inform and instruct me, I just do it like one would eat an elephant…one small bite at a time…Not that I encourage the eating of elephants or would eat one, it’s just a colloquial saying about doing something that seems impossible!
As we discussed a touch of this in our study our leader reminded us that the whole purpose of Nancy’s study was more of a zoomed-out view of Revelation, rather than trying to nail down every single answer to every single thing we are trying to understand (which isn’t possible), to look at it through the perspective of what it reveals about Jesus and how that impacts how we are exhorted to live our lives as it unfolds.Literally, focus on the Shepherd!We were reminded too, that what we believe about how the end times will specifically play out does not affect our salvation or the commission we all have to go and make disciples. Two believers can believe the end times and the rapture will occur differently and because they have trusted Jesus for their wage of death for their sin through His death burial and resurrection on the cross, (repentance and faith), they’ll still end up in the same place at the end! We don’t have to have all the answers, that’s not faith, and we aren’t God, that doesn’t mean we don’t study, the Bible literally tells us to do that in 2Timothy 2:15.
As we wrapped up our study and shared with each other some of the things we each have going on in our lives, I began to have the thought that adulting seems unnecessarily hard sometimes. But we could look to James chapter one and know that these trials are purposeful, and they produce perseverance which leads to maturity. Trials mean He’s still working on me and are actually a comfort because I know that I am in Him and He’s working on me (Phil 1:6), granted, some of my trials are a result of my own stupid or poor decisions, but I still learn something and grow! All of this to say that life does seem really tough sometimes, and when I focus on how hard and difficult things can be, when I focus on the problems, I get depressed and, in the dumps, and feel like it’s all unnecessary, definitely thoughts I need to Untether from. But when I tether myself to Jesus and force my eyes to look at Him and His Word, I find verses like John 16:33 and I have peace and hope in Him!
If this encouraged you at all, please consider liking, commenting, and or sharing with someone else to encourage them!
Every day I open some platform of social media and I see a news article or shared post for prayer because someone has committed suicide. I’ve attended funerals for people, loved ones, who have succumbed to the heaviness in their mind and taken their own lives. It’s heartbreaking and something that Christians especially, should be doing more to offer hope and help about. Unfortunately, too often the evangelical community inadvertently, due to a lack of understanding, particularly with personal experience, perpetuates a taboo sort of stigma in regard to depression.
My husband, who loves me and loves the Lord, who has been to seminary and has studied Biblical counseling and even completed a certificate program, who has served alongside me in ministry for years, doesn’t and has never struggled with depression. I who also love him and love the Lord, have also been to seminary and studied alongside Shaun in the same Biblical counseling classes, sometimes struggle with both anxiety and depression. Shaun cannot relate to me exactly because he doesn’t struggle in the same ways that I do, but because he loves me and he lives with me and sees me daily, tries very hard to minister to me and support me, especially on the rough days. He sees all of my Bible study books scattered about the house, he receives my random texts about something exciting I connected in my daily reading or a new study, he receives my texts about prayer for him, our kids, friends, family, and his teammates. He has witnessed, once even in the last week, me sharing the gospel and attempting to help a person I had just met understand the pain and suffering of this world.
He has also seen, this week, me break down in tears, feeling unworthy, and undesirable because I’ve put multiple resumes out and job applications out with no fruitful results, to have been so active and passionate about serving the Lord in our previous church, only to not be able to find a place where we are currently located. To feel invisible, certainly humbled, nothing special, and apart from the fact that I have 3 amazing happy, healthy children who are well educated, one with a degree and a job positively contributing to society and doing the adult thing, one 15 hours from her first degree and she’s not even 18, the 3rd 24 hours into his first and just turning 16, and ALL 3 KNOWING and LOVING the Lord, their eternity secured through repentance and faith in Jesus as Savior and Lord……ok when you type that out its not nothing…….but other than that and a stack of degrees and certificates with a lot of non-traditional teaching and managing experience feeling like I have nothing else to show for my 41 years.
I’m the first to admit that just because someone has a degree doesn’t mean they get the job or should even be in that field, but I do have personal experience and the testimony of both clients, my kids/students, and of those I have served, but it feels like none of that counts. Your mind goes to crazy places and tells you that yes, those people supported, affirmed, helped, and loved you while you were giving them your time and resources but not now. You can rationally look and see that you have blessings piled up a mile high or more and have no reason to be sad, but there it is, and you even get frustrated with yourself because you know better, but you still feel this way.
The one place that you should feel safe coming to and having people put their arms around you and love you and walk through it with you doesn’t. Because for some reason, rather than being vulnerable with each other, we view vulnerability as a weakness and if you say these things even at church its taboo. You either are participating in unrepentant sin or you aren’t reading your Bible enough, or you aren’t praying enough, or you aren’t serving enough. Or you make people feel uncomfortable because you’re actually honest and transparent and are attempting real connection rather than hiding it. Never mind that we are supposed to “bear one another’s burdens”(Galatians 6:2) and that we are “competent to counsel”(Roamans 15:14) each other when we are in Christ studying and serving alongside each other. We are so worried that someone will think we don’t have it all together and because our worldy society has taught us the dog-eat-dog ideology, we synchronize that with church and keep on pretending there too.
Listen, I can tell you that I am completely praying and willing to allow Jesus’ “eyes like flaming fire”(Rev 1:14) to look down into my soul and burn out my impurities, I pray that he reveals areas of my life that I need to repent in and I do. I love the Lord, I want to serve Him, I want and do share Him with others. I do read my Bible and find more and more to love and worship Him for every day.
My struggle with depression isn’t because I don’t trust God enough, or have hidden sin in my life! Honestly, if I didn’t understand God’s word or His love for me and others, I would probably be one of the statistics. I “feel” Paul when he said, “for me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” I know I have a perfect Heaven to look forward to with my perfect and loving Savior, I can’t even begin to imagine how wonderful it’s going to be because my human mind has not seen anything wonderful enough to relate it to. But I also know that unless we the church( the actual body of believers..not the building) don’t take the gospel message to this world and actually disciple people they won’t have the same hope and assurance we do. This means I will need to live in this fallen and broken world to live out my purpose under Jesus’ authority. Living in a fallen broken world dominated by Satan means I’m going to be exposed to things that cause me to suffer. My sufferings are nothing like what others have endured, even to the point of death, but they are still real. So that’s me, that’s my testimony about it but I’m not the only one.
Did you know one of the greatest preachers of all time suffered with depression as well? Charles Spurgeon prayed this in his autobiography,
“Thou art my Father, and I am Thy child, and thou as a father, art tender and full of mercy. I could not bear to see my child suffer as Thou makest me suffer; and if I saw him tormented as I am now, I would do what I could to help him, and put my arms under him to sustain him. Wilt thou hide thy face from me, my father? Wilt thou still lay on me thy heavy hand, and not give me a smile from thy countenance?”
Charles Spurgeon-from his autobiography
Clearly he knows and believes in the Lord and clearly he’s heavily vexed. In his sermon the saddest cry from the Cross,” he says;
“Quite involuntarily, unhappiness of mind, depression of spirit, and sorrow of heart will come upon you. You may be without any real reason for grief, and yet may become among the most unhappy of men.”
Charles Spurgeon from his sermon “The Saddest Cry of the Cross”
Spurgeon recognized there often isn’t any real reason for his depression but the grief just comes. Spurgeon’s life has already been analyzed by Biblical scholars and all agree he was a spiritual giant. His sermons are studied in seminaries world wide and they still counsel and lead and teach others about Christ after his death! Yet, he admits to struggling with depression and anxiety. Google it and read through his sermons! My intent is this, if you’re reading this and you’re struggling and thinking you can’t be a good Christian and participate in the work of the Kingdom, understand that’s false! That is exactly the kind of attack Satan would employ to take you out of the race so he doesn’t have to worry about you sharing the gospel or discipling. He wants to so cripple you in your mind so that you are useless for the Kingdom. Don’t let him. Show up even on the bad days! If you don’t struggle and you’re reading this, please issue grace toward us. I’m the first to admit that sometimes our (all humans) turmoil can be caused from sin, by poor decisions we make that we need to recognize, be broken hearted over, ask forgiveness for, and turn away from (repent). Sometimes other people’s sin affects us negatively causing sorrow, and sometimes just like Spurgeon, its sudden and seemingly unprovoked. We need you to hold space for us, and be with us, and keep our hands on the plow, encourage us in the Lord, and walk alongside us gently pointing to Him and the hope and assurance we have. We aren’t unfit, unreliable, or undependable, we are broken crayons that by the grace of God alone are totally capable of coloring! Let’s Untether from those thoughts as we battle to take our thoughts captive and focus them on the will of Christ,” (2 Corinth 10:5) and “focus on things that are true, pure, lovely, and Holy.” (Phil 4:8) Being vulnerable enough to admit where you struggle is perhaps the greatest display of bravery. I’ll close with a quote a friend shared this morning, coincidentally she has held space for me, and I have attempted to do the same for her. She too struggles in different ways, but she has a brilliant mind and a sold-out heart for the Lord too, and so, when given the opportunity, “we lean on each other, so we don’t have to sleep with our heads in the mud”-Bubba (Forest Gump).
Please don’t read this as a condoning of walking with someone in sin or participating in it. Don’t read this as enabling someone to sin either. As you hold space for someone you may find that the relationship that you build DOES IN FACT impact the outcome, hopefully in a positive and Jesus giving way!
What does it mean to hold space for someone else? It means we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control.
Everyone likes to feel like they belong, desire it even. The Prince George water tower even says, “You Belong Here, or something like that. Feeling like I belong somewhere has been a struggle for me my entire life. As an Air Force brat, we moved around a lot, so I wasn’t “from” one place with all of these connections to people I had known my whole life. We weren’t incredibly close to my parent’s families, so we didn’t often visit them. My dad was adopted and while I loved what I knew of my grandparents who had adopted him, they were truly wonderful people, I always wondered where he’d come from. I’ve filled out a billion different applications and there’s not a box for “I don’t know” under ethnicity. I just wondered where his side of the family had come from. For years we were told he was Native American, and I grew up learning everything I could about different tribes of Native Americans and feeling like I was connected to something much bigger. When we lived in Oklahoma, I was able to really embrace what I thought were my roots and attend festivals and ceremonies. We had a compelling argument to believe that was the truth and even my dad embraced that heritage.
Through a series of events, dad took an ancestry DNA test, and I was able to recover a piece of his adoption record. I was really interested in trying to trace our family history especially for medical reasons. Everything we had been told was false, the document from the adoption record did not list a father but everything we had been told about the biological mother was incorrect. If my dad had been Native American, it was supposed to have been on her side and that was clearly not the case. His DNA test revealed no Native American origin. Dad and I were crushed. I had been raised to believe that was my heritage and where I came from. It affected the pair of us tremendously.
Fast forward two years, I was helping our oldest son do research, both on ancestry.com and through personal family records, for his final project in one of his history classes in college. My husband’s family is very well documented, we were able to trace his dad’s side all the way back to the Revolutionary War, and actually across the pond even! It was exciting and tethering, at least for my kids. I had a lot of information on my mother’s side filled out for Wesley but on my dad’s side, it was just me and dad, and my uncle who was adopted with my dad.
Fast forward another year, my hubby had an amazing opportunity with the company that he works for to enlarge his sphere of influence and serve them in a greater capacity. This meant uprooting from his hometown where he had lived his entire life, and I had lived with him for 22 years, the place I had finally started calling home, and forgetting I wasn’t actually “from” there. We moved north for 6 months and then halfway across the country. This is the essence of “Untethered.” I thought I’d respond to it better than he would because this was my childhood all over again. I had experience with moving. What I was not prepared for was that I finally felt like I really belonged somewhere, so when people in our new place ask where we are from, I struggle with the answer, because I’m not technically from anywhere. The tailspin was and still is rough, BUT GOD.
I often do an exercise with youth and others for several different reasons which is derived from the movie, “Overcomer.” The principal, played by Pricilla Shirer, encourages the girl in the movie to look at the first two chapters of Ephesians and underline or highlight all of the things the Bible tells her that she is in Christ, and make an “I AM” list. Look at the example below.
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. 4 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5 he[b] predestined us for adoption to sonship[c] through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. 7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace 8 that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, 9 he[d] made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, 10 to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.
11 In him we were also chosen,[e] having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, 12 in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. 13 And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.
Ephesians 1:3-14
From the verses I see that in Christ I am, blessed, chosen, loved, adopted, redeemed, forgiven, marked, God’s possession. For someone feeling unwanted, unloved, and like they don’t belong, these are powerful words. That God knows all your crazy, all your sins, shortcomings, and failures and still loved you enough to send His son, Jesus, to die for those sins. That he still loves and wants me (and you) even though I’m a mess!
When I see “marked” it makes me think of another verse in Revelation 3 where Jesus is having John write letters to the churches encouraging, rebuking, and exhorting them. At one point He says I will write on him the name of my God, later in 22:4, it says His name will be on their foreheads. It makes me think of Toy Story though, when Buzz and Woody share a bond even though they are very different, because they both belong to Andy and the bottom of their feet have “ANDY” written on them. If I was ever to get a tattoo, I think I’d get Jesus on the bottom of my foot! Because I do belong, I am His and He says He will confess my name before His Father!
I have an origin story and roots that go far beyond this fallen, broken world, and you do too. In Jeremiah 1:5 God tells Jeremiah that God knew him before God formed him in his mother’s womb and set Jeremiah apart to be God’s prophet to the nations. This is just as true for us as it was for Jeremiah, God knew us before He formed us in our mother’s womb too.
In Psalm 139:13, David while praising God, says that God created his innermost being and knit him together in his mother’s womb. We are truly God’s and there is such comfort in knowing that we belong to Him, and He promises to be with us through the presence of the Holy Spirit, and that because we have repented and believed we will see Him face to face for all eternity. I AM FROM somewhere; I am a citizen of heaven on assignment here! Maybe I don’t know my ethnicity, and where my family has lived over the generations, but I know that I am a child of God and I have a huge family of believers all over the globe. I’m tethered to them through the bond we have in Christ. Whether you admit or believe it or not, you have a Creator, your manufacturer and mine are the same, you don’t even have to be a believer to have that in common with me, so we are bonded in a way too. I am so grateful to belong to God and to be wanted, chosen, loved, and adopted into the body of Christ where I find my purpose and belonging.
Earlier today and all of yesterday I was, in fact, uninspired. Not really uninspired to write but just down in the dumps, “feeling”, sort of useless, and very not like every parent tells their children they are “special.” Today as it rained again, I ascertained these are the normal feelings of so many grey days in a row for me, so, on the way home, I started trying to intentionally take my thoughts captive and focus my mind on pure, lovely, and holy, things. Yes, I’m using my own biblical counseling strategy to counsel myself. I got home, turned on some lights, and tackled one task that needed to be done. I was already feeling better.
Some years ago, my family accepted a very gracious invitation to attend a family retreat at Frontier Camp on Houston County Lake, near Grapeland, TX. We lived close enough to travel back and forth for the daily activities, but many other families stayed in the cabins at camp. That is a precious memory for our family as we did so many things together with other families, from the big swing to arrow tag, dodgeball, decorating cookies, gaga ball (which I think we are supposed to call something else), basketball, and so many other activities, but the one that sticks with us most as a family, was a Bible study. The retreat pastor shared a very real and vulnerable story about parenting and his family, whom we knew personally, our son will spend this coming weekend with his son, and they are in their 20’s now! The message was on Godly living, with multiple passages from the Bible encouraging us to Walk Worthy in the manner in which we are called, as ambassadors for Christ, sons and daughters of God, our citizenship being in Heaven and representing like it!
He shared that “Walk Worthy” was a regular phrase that came from his mouth as his kids left the home for school or work, it became a regular phrase to the kids, bonus and biological, as they left my home too. Occasionally, I’d chase them out the door just to shout, “I love you, Walk Worthy!” as they got in their cars. It was a sign that one of our incredible mentors in youth made for us, and to my knowledge, is still hanging above the youth room door as a challenge to live out the faith you say you believe in your daily life to this very day.
As I sat there thinking on that wonderful experience at Frontier Camp, and our continued relationships with so many of those camp families, and about us sharing that message with youth so much so that it became their motto too. We even had our own double W “Walk Worthy” “hand sign” we would sometimes use to silently encourage each other. Today, it occurred to me, the very act of pushing through and taking my thoughts captive and forcing them to align with the will of Christ WAS walking worthy. Daily choices we make, especially on the hard days are what walking worthy is all about. I had to untether myself from the unhealthy thoughts and tether myself to thoughts of Christ! Let’s walk worthy brothers and sisters, and when we stumble a bit, grab hold of one another and encourage each other on!
There have been many times I’ve prayed for rain over hayfields and crops and one time when we had a drought in Texas and had over 100 days of over 100 degrees with no rain, I think people who had never prayed, began praying! It’s easy in those times to be thankful for the rain and to run out and dance in it as it soaks into the ground and cools your skin. You can almost hear the vegetation breathe a sigh of relief.
Lately though, especially where we are now, it rains often, you don’t have to pray for it, you might be more tempted to pray for it to not happen! After the addition of some high-grade titanium to my body, I can usually predict the rain a day before it arrives, even my hip groans, and I’m more likely to be thankful for the massage chair in that moment. We have no lack of rain, and cloudy days, this doesn’t always bode well for my mental health or my attitude, sunshine makes me happy.
The other day as I sat praying on a day it rained from before I got up to long after I had gone to bed, I began really thinking about the difference between sunshine and rain and how without the rain I wouldn’t even know how much I love the sunshine. It took rainy, cold days to teach me gratitude for the warmth of the sunshine warming my skin and seeping into those achy joints.
I realized I was thankful for the rain. This got me to thinking about certain trials and tribulations I have been through and how if I had not experienced them, I wouldn’t be grateful for the deliverance from them or the growth they caused in me. This definitely sounds incredibly like that first chapter of James even though we often don’t always “consider it joy when we encounter trials of many kinds,” but we definitely want the endurance and growth they produce! We can’t have one without the other, but we can have a more grateful attitude when we grow through the trials.
As I sat in the sun that next day soaking it in like a lizard on a fence post, feeling the warmth spread through my body and my mind, I thanked God first for the cold rainy day before, because without it I wouldn’t have appreciated the golden rays painting the ground a soft yellow as they filtered through the leaves and splashed their golden glow all round nearly as much! I wonder how many other things we should stop and meditate on that were tough and uncomfortable, that truly taught us to be grateful for new seasons to come if we untether ourselves from the discomfort and tether ourselves to the growth it will eventually produce.
I’ve never seen the movie, but I’ve seen clips from a movie with Jennifer Anniston where her daughter brings home a guy with a tattoo on his chest that says, “NO RAGRETS”, and the dad in the movie says something to the effect of, “you really have no regrets, not even one little letter?” For some reason I find that hysterical and while I’ve never actually watched the movie, we quote that scene playfully often!
The truth is we all have regrets, we all have things we wish we would have done or said differently. For some odd reason these memories pop up at the oddest times and when you reflect on them, sometimes from a much more mature season of life, you can see the trouble whatever action it was caused for you or your reputation and how it had long lasting effects. I was pondering on just that sort of memory this morning, (showers, walks in the sunshine and time in the saddle will make me do that) regretting my young self’s decision-making process.
Today I can look back and understand the “why” behind some of my poor decisions, but it still doesn’t make me regret them any less. I have always had the desire to be included, liked, and accepted. A lot of people do, I’m not alone in that, my desire and the fact that I had moved around so much and always felt like an outsider drove me to make great effort to fit in. Sadly, it was often to the detriment of my character or reputation. For some reason this morning I remembered being around a group of kids in junior high or early high school and because, of the nature of the conversation that was going on and my desire to fit in and be one of them, telling some filthy jokes I had overheard from some adults and using incredibly course and foul language. Ordinarily, I would never speak like that but in that moment and others I did, and it began to shape my peers’ mental model of me and the type of person I was even though it was far from how I really was inside. Today, I’m utterly repulsed by the entire exchange and definitely disappointed in myself. There have been other poor decisions and many more regrets since then, but I started thinking this morning, what if, as a kid, I really took 1Corinthians 10:31 seriously and ran every thought or action through the filter of, “would this please the Lord and glorify Him?” If so, I could be living a life with no regrets.
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
1Corinthians 10:31 NASB95
I’ve already mentioned my love for the internal consistency of the Bible, so you might expect that’s not the only verse that encourages Godly living, it’s just a short easy to remember one. In our house in Texas when the kids were all in elementary school, we used a “classroom” type setting and had a little classroom set up for school each day. I had Psalms 34:13 hung on the wall which read, “keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.” I also had 1 Corinthians 10:5 about taking your thoughts captive and conforming them to the will of Christ, hanging on the wall as well as Philippians 4:8 about what to focus on instead, which I think also pairs really well with the following verse of Psalm 34 verse 14 which says, “turn from evil and do good, seek peace and pursue it.” This was in a great effort to hide God’s word in my kiddos’ hearts, and mine too, and encourage Godly living.
Here’s the kicker I thought about this morning. I have often been a fan of teaching my kids “the why”, sometimes I wish I had not, now and even as they began to get a little older, they always excepted “the why” behind whatever it was I told them to do. We had to work out that upon occasion I just needed them to obey quickly, and trust that I’d get to “the why” later. A lesson I wish I had learned when I was younger in regard to obeying God’s word in the now and letting Him bring understanding later. But here’s the deal, there are a lot of us that have lived through a few things, and we do understand “the why” about those things so why aren’t we spelling it out for the younger generation? Youth are willing to listen, all teenagers aren’t rebellious rabble rousers regardless of the impression they give, some of the deepest most insightful conversations I have had the pleasure of having, which better helped me understand the struggles youth face while navigating our ever-changing, tumultuous world have been from those very same “trouble making” youth!
I really think if someone had sat down with me and told me that the things I chose to say and not to say, and the activities I chose to participate in or not to participate in were going to build my reputation and other’s mental models of me, and that it could either help me or hurt me, I might have tried a little harder, especially if they had pointed me to God’s word and explained that it has less to do with your reputation and external validation from others and more to do with God’s reputation as you are a professing Christain, made in His image (Gen 1:26) and an ambassador for Christ (2Corinthians 5:20, Eph 6:20). Also let me add Malachi 2:7 which is referring to the lips of the priest and how he is a messenger of the Lord of hosts..ie ambassador.. (pre incarnate Christ..before Christ’s birth, death, burial, and resurrection), now (after Christ) we (all believers of every tribe and tongue) are a kingdom of priests (1Peter 2:9, Rev1:6) ambassadors for Christ, to share His message! Ya’ll this is good stuff!!!! What we do and say and choose not to do and say is important if we have truly surrendered to follow Christ as Lord of our lives. This doesn’t just apply on Sunday and Wednesday and church functions, this is anytime, anywhere, anyplace….. work, school, inside the closed doors of your home, your bedroom, your phone, etc. because Jesus is Lord at all of those times, and you should be making decisions in all of those places with that in mind. It’s about representing Christ rightly through our lives as ambassadors for Him so that others will be drawn to Him as a result, therefore, it’s about His reputation. More than one person has been turned away from “Christianity” because someone claiming to be Christian didn’t act Christ like. Represent well, it actually does matter.
If I had only grasped that younger, I could have lived a life untethered to regret. However, when we confess our sins to the Lord he is faithful to forgive us ( 1John 1:9) and separate them as far as the East is from the West(Psalm 103:12). So, while I do regret many of my actions, I sit here and type without condemnation of them because of Christ alone! (Rom 8:1) Sheesh, isn’t the Word of God literally ALL THA THINGS!!!!! Thank you Jesus!
Several years ago, my husband discovered Inky Johnson’s testimony, and it was so powerful that we ended up showing it to our youth at the time. We quote so many things from Inky but one of the things that has been especially moving to me has been his view on commitment. He quoted Orebela Gbenga’s definition which says, “Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.” That’s so powerful, and it’s so true. I mean just think about your exercise schedule. I’ll be honest and say the me who makes the exercise plan in the evening is not the same me who wakes up to execute it the next morning. I’m “feeling” it at 9 in the evening, but when that next day comes, I find that I’m not nearly as loyal to those plans!
When seasons of your life change, it can be the same with your faith, or in the interest of full transparency, it is with mine. I’m not the biggest fan of major change I have discovered. As God transitioned us from the last season to this season, part of me was excited for new adventures, but another part was anxious and not crazy about that being permanent or all little things that would change in big ways as a result. I remember one of Shaun’s teammates asking me, “are you ready for this?” and my response being, “I don’t always agree with God, but I do always have to be obedient to Him.”
We had bathed this decision in prayer and while we knew it was going to be a difficult one, we also genuinely believed it was what God was affirming we should do. Shaun more than me because that meant leaving a child (granted he was nearly 20 but still) behind. Shaun was positive and I wasn’t sure, but as the spiritual head of our household, I trust Shaun and we submit to God together. And…. so we took that step of faith. In a lot of ways, it was exciting, and we’ve gotten to experience some really awesome things, but there have also been some really tough, really not so good very bad days and more tears than I could count. It’s those days that test your commitment to being obedient.
Sometimes you just have to choo choo on and let obedience be the engine and your feelings be the caboose. There’s some days I just don’t “feel” it, maybe because its difficult, maybe because it hurts, maybe because I’m tired, maybe because I’m lazy, but I still must respond to those days with the same level of commitment I “feel” on the good days when things are going swimmingly. I’ve experienced more than one day that I just wanted things to go back to the comfort and familiarity of the way they were, but I press on towards the goal and God gives me little affirmations (which I totally don’t deserve, and He doesn’t have to provide) along the way. Paul wrote in 1Corinthians Chapter 9:24-27 about self-discipline and running your race so as to obtain the prize.
I don’t know about ya’ll, but if I just hop up from this computer and go out to run a race I really hope the EMT’s are close! I have so much respect for runners and the way they train and are so self-disciplined so that they are able to run long distances. I’m sure they don’t always “feel” it, but they run anyway. This is the same with our obedience to Christ, it takes being self-disciplined on the days we don’t “feel” it to build a track record of obedience. Sometimes it takes becoming untethered to your feelings and tethered to that commitment you made to Christ to be obedient, and like Paul says, sometimes you have to beat your body into submission!
Raychel Writes 