I’m tagging along on a business trip with my hubs because he’s going to be relatively close to a good friend I haven’t seen in ages! As we do when he and I are on roadtrips, we picked a book to listen to. I had downloaded Jon Acuff’s “All You Need Is A Goal,” since it had been referred to me by my bestie.
There’s the link in case you’d like to get your own copy, I do earn commissions from Amazon from my referral links.
Anyhow, the first exercise he instructs readers to do is create a best moments list. He goes on to list some of his own best moments as well as others so there are ample examples of what those could look like. He even talks about the difficulty in focusing on yourself enough to call attention to some of your accomplishments as you recognize them as best moments. Not all best moments are accomplishments. Later you’ll categorize these moments into 4 different categories: experience, accomplishments, relationship, & objects.
This will not be a book review, it’s the doing of this exercise that captured my attention from a mental health standpoint.
As Shaun and I began to form our lists audibly calling out loud our best moments and reminiscing there were tears, smiles, laughter and joy. Jon said the 40’s hit a little different and are characterized by self reflection which I find to be true.
Today has been a gray day and it sputtered rain off and on all day. This is the typical kind of day that usually gets me down and blue, but this exercise made me really focus on so many of the good and wonderful moments I’ve had in my life. It’s very difficult to be gloomy when you’re focusing on those moments and literally writing them down on a piece of paper that you can stare at. It’s very difficult to ignore the truth you’re very plainly listing out and continue in false and dark thoughts attempting to consume your mind.
I listed things like
-meeting my husband,
-getting to be pregnant 3 times
-having 3 beautiful babies!
-The sound of our children’s laughter even as adults especially when we’re all together.
-Our first trip to CO and every trip since that allowed us to meet some of the most incredible people who have become family and not just friends.
-Specific hunts
-our Little Buddy
-Frankie the Tortoise
-church camp 2018
-publishing my first book!
-and so on!
My list is soooooo long and it’s hard for me to continue to be blue with all of these clearly wonderful moments staring at my face! This will be an exercise I employ when I feel myself being blue, and it’s one you can use too.
As a believer, I have long known the expression “count your blessings” which makes me think of the song and then the following lyric “name the one by one.” This isn’t a new tactic, clearly it’s been in use awhile!
Further, I’ve long learned to employ the verse about taking my thoughts captive in 2Corinthians 10:5 and forcing them to be obedient to the will of a Christ. To turn them from gloom and despair to what Paul suggested us to focus on in his letter to the Philippians,
Philippians 4:8 (NASB95): Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Sometimes hearing that and doing it are two separate battles and trying to use it to reprogram your thought processes can be just as tough. This exercise however, is a simple one that set me on the right path today. I know that all good things come from my Father above, so if I’m listing out blessings, that’s focusing on lovely things that are worthy of praising our Father about.
If you’re struggling with depression, what could it hurt to grab a pen and paper and start listing some of your best moments, any favorite memory. You’ll see that the truth, and what you’re feeling, aren’t in alignment right now and you need to continue to focus on these “bests” to have them help you reprogram your “stinkin thinkin.” This worked for my stinkin thinkin today!!
The next book I listen to will be “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” by Joseph Nguyen https://amzn.to/3OeRJHE and I’ll see if there’s anything practical and helpful I can use and share with others in there!
At this point the world knows I have a 60 pound escape artist of a tortoise! He’s escaped at our home in Texas and he’s escaped at our home in Virginia. The first time he escaped it was completely my fault, I left the gates open! Future escapes have been because he’s strong, or major rain events have caused deterioration to his pen, or something on his pen broke or wore out like this last time. Sometimes it takes us a bit to figure out what we need to fix. As a result he’s now outfitted with a tracker!
There’s always tears and heartache when I lose Franklin. This time was no different. He was gone for 6 days and I cried every one of them. I searched every single day even in the rain knowing the weather was too cool in the evenings for him to go too far or move too much. He was ultimately found less than a half mile from the house by the sweetest girls who were just as elated at having found him an reunited him with us as we were that they found him and he was safe and sound.
I realized while taking steps to ensure we don’t have to go through this heartache again that there was something far more beautiful that has happened each time Frankie has been found.
In our community in Texas and in our community here in Virginia when the trumpet blast was sounded via social media, word of mouth, and text or phone calls, the community sprung into action to help us. When people you don’t know, have never met, and maybe never will, take the time to not only share your post, but to physically go out and walk the neighborhood, to message or comment words of encouragement and let you know they’re praying it ads dimension to the relief of finding Frankie. This is the beauty of community! God created us in His image which includes living in relationship and community together with Him but also with each other.
Finding Frankie in Texas and Virginia has come with its beauty and relief but seeing communities come together to support us in both of those places has been so much more beautiful. Honestly, we were longing for the same type of connection to our new community here in Virginia that we have in Texas. Finding Frankie helped us to see the beauty of this precious community and see with new eyes the joy of connecting to others in it.
I can only imagine what life was like in the early church in Acts chapter 2 as they daily met together and broke bread in their homes and shared their meals and “God added daily to their numbers those who were being saved!” Acts 2:47
Community, connection, unity is important, Paul writes about having the same mind in Philippians 2 loving one another and being united in spirit intent on one purpose. Specifically, he even noted to consider others interests as important as your own.
Our community considered my interests in Finding Frankie. They demonstrated love to us and we are so grateful to be a part of them, but also to see God’s word more clearly as we think about living in community and being united in one spirit intent on furthering the gospel.
This may mean sacrificing my time, my wants, my preferences so that someone else will come to know Jesus as Savior and King. As I reflect on how our community responded in love to help us find Frankie, I also reflect on God’s word and purpose for our lives and the tenacity with which he leaves the 99 to find the one lost (Matt 18 and Luke 15) and hope that we demonstrate that same zeal for sharing the gospel with the lost!
I’ve never seen the movie, but I’ve seen clips from a movie with Jennifer Anniston where her daughter brings home a guy with a tattoo on his chest that says, “NO RAGRETS”, and the dad in the movie says something to the effect of, “you really have no regrets, not even one little letter?” For some reason I find that hysterical and while I’ve never actually watched the movie, we quote that scene playfully often!
The truth is we all have regrets, we all have things we wish we would have done or said differently. For some odd reason these memories pop up at the oddest times and when you reflect on them, sometimes from a much more mature season of life, you can see the trouble whatever action it was caused for you or your reputation and how it had long lasting effects. I was pondering on just that sort of memory this morning, (showers, walks in the sunshine and time in the saddle will make me do that) regretting my young self’s decision-making process.
Today I can look back and understand the “why” behind some of my poor decisions, but it still doesn’t make me regret them any less. I have always had the desire to be included, liked, and accepted. A lot of people do, I’m not alone in that, my desire and the fact that I had moved around so much and always felt like an outsider drove me to make great effort to fit in. Sadly, it was often to the detriment of my character or reputation. For some reason this morning I remembered being around a group of kids in junior high or early high school and because, of the nature of the conversation that was going on and my desire to fit in and be one of them, telling some filthy jokes I had overheard from some adults and using incredibly course and foul language. Ordinarily, I would never speak like that but in that moment and others I did, and it began to shape my peers’ mental model of me and the type of person I was even though it was far from how I really was inside. Today, I’m utterly repulsed by the entire exchange and definitely disappointed in myself. There have been other poor decisions and many more regrets since then, but I started thinking this morning, what if, as a kid, I really took 1Corinthians 10:31 seriously and ran every thought or action through the filter of, “would this please the Lord and glorify Him?” If so, I could be living a life with no regrets.
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
1Corinthians 10:31 NASB95
I’ve already mentioned my love for the internal consistency of the Bible, so you might expect that’s not the only verse that encourages Godly living, it’s just a short easy to remember one. In our house in Texas when the kids were all in elementary school, we used a “classroom” type setting and had a little classroom set up for school each day. I had Psalms 34:13 hung on the wall which read, “keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.” I also had 1 Corinthians 10:5 about taking your thoughts captive and conforming them to the will of Christ, hanging on the wall as well as Philippians 4:8 about what to focus on instead, which I think also pairs really well with the following verse of Psalm 34 verse 14 which says, “turn from evil and do good, seek peace and pursue it.” This was in a great effort to hide God’s word in my kiddos’ hearts, and mine too, and encourage Godly living.
Here’s the kicker I thought about this morning. I have often been a fan of teaching my kids “the why”, sometimes I wish I had not, now and even as they began to get a little older, they always excepted “the why” behind whatever it was I told them to do. We had to work out that upon occasion I just needed them to obey quickly, and trust that I’d get to “the why” later. A lesson I wish I had learned when I was younger in regard to obeying God’s word in the now and letting Him bring understanding later. But here’s the deal, there are a lot of us that have lived through a few things, and we do understand “the why” about those things so why aren’t we spelling it out for the younger generation? Youth are willing to listen, all teenagers aren’t rebellious rabble rousers regardless of the impression they give, some of the deepest most insightful conversations I have had the pleasure of having, which better helped me understand the struggles youth face while navigating our ever-changing, tumultuous world have been from those very same “trouble making” youth!
I really think if someone had sat down with me and told me that the things I chose to say and not to say, and the activities I chose to participate in or not to participate in were going to build my reputation and other’s mental models of me, and that it could either help me or hurt me, I might have tried a little harder, especially if they had pointed me to God’s word and explained that it has less to do with your reputation and external validation from others and more to do with God’s reputation as you are a professing Christain, made in His image (Gen 1:26) and an ambassador for Christ (2Corinthians 5:20, Eph 6:20). Also let me add Malachi 2:7 which is referring to the lips of the priest and how he is a messenger of the Lord of hosts..ie ambassador.. (pre incarnate Christ..before Christ’s birth, death, burial, and resurrection), now (after Christ) we (all believers of every tribe and tongue) are a kingdom of priests (1Peter 2:9, Rev1:6) ambassadors for Christ, to share His message! Ya’ll this is good stuff!!!! What we do and say and choose not to do and say is important if we have truly surrendered to follow Christ as Lord of our lives. This doesn’t just apply on Sunday and Wednesday and church functions, this is anytime, anywhere, anyplace….. work, school, inside the closed doors of your home, your bedroom, your phone, etc. because Jesus is Lord at all of those times, and you should be making decisions in all of those places with that in mind. It’s about representing Christ rightly through our lives as ambassadors for Him so that others will be drawn to Him as a result, therefore, it’s about His reputation. More than one person has been turned away from “Christianity” because someone claiming to be Christian didn’t act Christ like. Represent well, it actually does matter.
If I had only grasped that younger, I could have lived a life untethered to regret. However, when we confess our sins to the Lord he is faithful to forgive us ( 1John 1:9) and separate them as far as the East is from the West(Psalm 103:12). So, while I do regret many of my actions, I sit here and type without condemnation of them because of Christ alone! (Rom 8:1) Sheesh, isn’t the Word of God literally ALL THA THINGS!!!!! Thank you Jesus!
One of the coolest things I’ve personally gotten to see this past year was Niagra Falls. We spent several days there exploring both the Canadian side and the American side. No matter where you stand, the roar of that much water is unmistakable, powerful, and demands respect. In fact, we stayed in a hotel on the American side near the Falls and once I had seen the falls the first day, I knew the roar I was hearing at night while sleeping in the hotel was the falls. I’ll never forget that sound or that sight!
While studying Revelation, before Nancy Guthrie even mentioned it, when John described Jesus’ voice in verse 1:15, I was already thinking, unmistakable, powerful, worthy of awe and respect like Niagra Falls! In John 10:27 Jesus says his sheep know His voice, I thought about how that compared to me not knowing what the sound was the night before, and then having an encounter with Niagra Falls the next day and knowing exactly what that sound was the next night. It’s the same with Jesus.
This study of Revelation has been so wild for me. I have to admit that I approached Revelation with some definite presuppositions about what I thought it said. When I challenged myself to lay those aside and study it with these ladies anew, I’m finding so much comfort and peace….in apocalyptic literature! That sounds oxymoronic, but it’s true!
I had, and you may too, some presuppositions about Jesus. We’ve seen how the Old Testament points to a coming King, and we’ve seen the prophets prophesy about Him, we’ve seen Him come to Earth as a baby and seen his earthly ministry. We saw a humble servant, the Jews struggled with that, and I often allow my mind to picture him as a meek, suffering servant. The resurrected Jesus is that and so much more, and we need to allow that to shape how we think about Him.
There’s so much to the description of Jesus in Rev 1:12-18 that bears dwelling upon. The first thing that struck me after the sound of his voice, was his garments. One of my most favorite things about the Bible is its internal consistency, how from Genesis to Revelation there’s one giant metanarrative and more threads than one that connect into a rich, firm, theological tapestry. In Exodus there’s an exhaustive explanation of priestly garments that are to be made for the priests and High priest, who makes sacrifices in the Holy of Holies. We know that Jesus is our High Preist and that he gave His life as the final atoning sacrifice (Hebrews 4:14 and chapter 10). So when we see John describe Jesus’ garments, the high priestly garments, puzzle pieces just click into place! The sash doesn’t just indicate a High Priest, but the King! The hair of his head being white as snow is one and the same as Daniel’s description of the Ancient of Days in chapter 7. This is starting to build a picture of Jesus as he is now, as not only Savior, but King and just like one of those “as seen only on TV” commercials, BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE…. and you don’t even have to pay the extra shipping! John continues a description of Jesus that is worth dwelling on some more and adding to your mental model, but his reaction is the real kicker for me!
Remember back in John’s gospel in 13:23 when John is casually reclining(chillin) next to Jesus. They were close friends, John KNEW Jesus and felt comfortable with him, the Bible described John as the disciple whom Jesus loved, yet John’s response to seeing the resurrected King? He fell on his face as if he were dead and Jesus reached out and laid his right hand upon John and said,
“……Do not be afraid; I am the first and the last, and behold, I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of death and of Hades.”
Jesus- Revelation 1:17-18
Bruh! Can you imagine!? John sees something different about Jesus and so should we! What a comfort for Jesus to lovingly reach out and touch John, and then to speak and say so much in so few words! An I AM statement affirming He is God, but to say I was dead, I took possession of the keys of death and hades, and I am alive forever more controlling the when, and the who of death, hades and Heaven. I’ve counseled kids and adults alike after they’ve lost someone, sometimes not in their old age but suddenly and unexpectedly. Often the concern in our despair is, was it too soon? We know it wasn’t, because whoever has the keys opens the door and He’s never surprised by the timing even if we are. No loved one has ever gone too early or somewhere they weren’t supposed to because Jesus himself is there opening doors and giving access. That is an incredible comfort to me as I’m sure it was to John who, at that time, was exiled on the island of Patmos, presumably to die, but Jesus said only when I open the door! What a comfort to those in Christ! I find so much comfort in untethering myself from my presuppositions and tethering myself to the truth of God’s Word and our Savior and King, Jesus Christ.
I experience major trepidation when encountering things I know little about or things I am unfamiliar with. See my previous blog which mentions my irritation of driving in an unfamiliar town after moving. I get major anxiety sometimes, and sometimes, when possible, I try to avoid the situation all together. Often when I’m invited to a new restaurant, I will look up the menu ahead of time so I can prepare myself to order before I ever set foot in the restaurant. Sometimes I know whatever it is, it is necessary to muster up the courage and just get through it even if I bumble through it. I’ve talked to plenty of other women who have experienced the same or similar things.
Having been a firearms instructor for 10 years and owned my own gun shop and training center, I have had tons of clients who have come in with a major fear of firearms, so much so that they have avoided them at all costs. I have had the opportunity to educate so many people by teaching them proper nomenclature, parts of a firearm and their functions, as well as how to safely operate those firearms. Usually, there’s this beautiful moment in a class or private lesson where I can almost see the weight and tension slide off client because they finally understand how the firearm works and why and how to safely use it. Thier trepidation had little to do with the actual firearm and more to do with a fear of the unknown and possibly hurting themselves or someone else in their ignorance.
I recently experienced this in my own life, with a book of all things! I mentioned I had been to seminary and when I walked across that stage and received my Masters, one of the things that I had learned was that I didn’t know ALL the things! One such thing I felt incredibly underconfident in teaching or understanding any more than the basic facts about was the book of Revelation. So, like any reasonable person would do, I avoided it! I mean there’s 65 other books in the Bible that I feel a whole lot more comfortable with, this ONE book isn’t THAT crucial right?! Except I say the entire Bible is the divinely inspired, inerrant, Word of God which has absolute authority….and I believe that…..so it’s super important to not leave any part of it out!
Prior to the Nancy Guthrie study, Blessed, which I mentioned in the “Loved” blog post, when I heard the word Revelation as referring to the book of the Bible, I instantly thought “apocalypse”. I could hear that bell hop from the Disney show, “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” say, “Ahhhhhhhhhhh! This is a disaster,” in his thick Spanish accent. But God, two of my favorite words in the Bible, placed people in my life who encouraged me and were willing to sit down with me and take another look, and I’m so grateful. Now when I think of the book of Revelation, I rightly think “reveal”. Revelation is just a continuation of the other 65 books which reveals the person and work of Jesus Christ to us. It reveals how and who Jesus is now, prior to His second coming and gives us such comfort and relief, and as someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, I’m definitely wanting to untether myself from fear which causes my anxiety and tether myself to knowledge, especially through the revelation of Jesus Christ. It’s a no brainer now that I’m sitting here typing trying to articulate it, but if you know how anxiety works, you know it feels overwhelming at the time.
Don’t miss out on things just because you have a fear of the unknown, untether yourself from fear-based actions and tether yourself to study and education, and especially to the Word of God which is truly sufficient for all things. If you have trepidation over Revelation too, maybe sitting down with a copy of “Blessed” will help you untether yourself from the confusion and tether yourself more tightly to Jesus, our Savior and King.
That’s something I think everyone wants to feel, like they are seen by someone else and have value, those three statements were made from a place of deep love for the development of someone they cared so deeply about. Nothing had been done to earn that “special treatment”, it was freely given, often is the case between a parent and an infant. Often, or in my experience, as we get older, and society begins to warp our thinking and sometimes the way we love others we fall into the trap of performance-based love.
I remember as a girl feeling like my parents loved me more if I made straight A’s or sat 1st chair in whichever band I was in. I’m sure that wasn’t really true as I have 3 kids of my own and love them whether they do amazing things or perfectly regular things or even bad things. I don’t love the bad things but I do love them. no matter what. I repeat the phrase, “there’s nothing you could ever do or say to make me not love you,” regularly.
We don’t always feel that way though, especially since the inventions of social media. We are in a terrible habit of feeling worthy and lovable when other people tell us we are through our likes and engagements on social platforms and external validation is what begins to shape what we believe about ourselves. This unfortunately effects our ability to receive feedback that could help us grow because rather than responding to it with an eagerness to learn and grow we perceive it as rejection and an attack that makes us feel unaccepted and unloved. I have definitely been guilty of this, and still am from time to time. Unfortunately, I have allowed myself to be affected so much by this external validation, and performance-based love that I have often had thoughts about why anyone would or does love me.
Recently, I was invited to join a virtual Bible study by a friend. First, just the act of being invited is such a loving, thoughtful thing, so thanks for that, friend, I will be sure to do the same for others! We are studying a Nancy Guthrie book called, “Blessed” over the book of Revelation in the Bible. As I worked diligently through the 1st set of lesson questions I was loving the style and structure which caused us to focus on the one giant metanarrative of the entire Bible which is God’s great love for us culminating in the gospel message of Jesus’ birth, death, burial, and resurrection. It all points to Jesus.
We were looking specifically at Revelation 1 verses 5-7 and discussing what it reveals to us about Jesus, about who he is, what he has done, and what he’s going to do.
“and from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To Him who loves us and released us from our sis by His blood.”
The very next question instructed us to dwell upon one or two aspects of the previous question that were particularly meaningful to us. In full transparency and vulnerability, I wrote, “loved-because often enough I don’t “feel” like I’m worth loving or understand why anyone would love me.” Second, I wrote, ” released- words cannot describe how it feels to have Jesus take all your ugly/evil and pay the ultimate price of death for it without you doing a thing to earn it or deserve it and then still be able, but more than that willing and wanting, to look you in the eye knowing everything about you and still love you and want a relationship with you.” I couldn’t even type that without tearing up all over again. Jesus, my Savior and King of Kings, loves me that much and knows everything about me. This is true for you too.
Truthfully, I’m not sure my life would be at all the same or even be still happening if it wasn’t for someone being willing to share about Jesus and His great love for me and then a lot of someones discipling me so that I truly know that the ultimate authority on all things is God and the Word of God. What His word says is true regardless of what is going on in the world, and regardless of how I “feel”. When I read what His word says about me, since I am in Christ, because I value it as the ultimate authority, regardless of how I feel, I find I can face tomorrow. (If you know me personally you know that just made me think of a song!) In Christ all that ugly/evil that I know about myself is no longer condemning because His word tells me that’s true,
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Don’t forget to go back and read what the “therefore” is there for, the previous chapter talks about believers being united to Christ and then proceeds into the result being deliverance from bondage to sin. Isn’t that so comforting? Comfort is the opposite of what I feel when I listen to the lies of the devil who seeks to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10). Unfortunately, he’s able to steal my joy and comfort with thoughts from inside my own head sometimes. It’s why Paul warned us to take every thought captive and conform it to the will of Christ in 2Corinthians 10:5 and told us to focus on whatever is true, pure, lovely, and holy in Philippians 4:8. I have to untether myself from the thoughts and opinions of others, and sometimes from my own thoughts and opinions of myself, and tether myself to what God’s word says about me in Christ. This may be true for you too. Even when I don’t “feel” it, “I will praise Him because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14. I hope this draws you to God and His word and gives you the courage to live a life untethered to the lies of the world, the flesh, and the devil, and tethered to Jesus. Definitely reach out if you have questions!
*Disclaimer-if I mentioned a book or movie I linked it to Amazon for purchase should you want to which I could earn a commission from!
Untethered is a product of my life drastically changing as a result of a new season. Hi, I’m Raychel! Last year about this time (Jan 2022), my husband, Shaun, and I along with the rest of our family embarked on what we thought would be a new adventure in a new season of calling. It was all of that and then some! The “and then some” is the primary reason I’m sitting here typing this.
Our Family’s Background and Ministry Life in Texas
A little historical context… Shaun and I have been married for 22 years and have 3 amazing kids which I homeschooled, and we have some amazing bonus kids too. He had lived in the same precious town his entire life. I was born on an Air Force base and moved around A LOT until my dad retired, he and my mother got a divorce, and my life sort of went a little haywire but I did manage to go to all 4 years of high school in the same school! By that time, I had lived in Texas for 6 consecutive years. I had, to that point, lived a life untethered to any place and any person except my mother because, up to that point, even though I was incredibly close to my dad, and had a hero-level big brother, she was the only constant in my life… until Shaun. We met a month before I graduated high school.
He was already working for Nucor and when we met, he claims he “knew” immediately that he was going to marry me! He was right, because 5 months later we said, “I do”! We settled into the town he grew up in and 2 years later welcomed the first of 2 smart, handsome boys almost 5 years apart with a firecracker of a gorgeous warrior princess in between them! As marriages do, we had some major ups and major downs but turned to the Lord through all of it and He began to guide us into a season of service that would so deeply connect us to our community, church family, and youth that when He moved us into the new season we are currently experiencing, I felt as though a part of me had been ripped from my body and as a God trusting, Bible reading, praying Christian, I went through one of the deepest depressions of my life.
Becoming untethered can feel positive and negative, sometimes both at the same time.
Our family in Texas right after the Virginia move where God called us into a new season — rooted in love, ready for wherever He leads.
Answering God’s Call to Go
Instead of giving you our entire ministry history, suffice it to say that God used some amazing people to disciple and grow us as we followed Him and eventually led us to a staff position serving in student ministry. May of 2021 was a milestone in ministry as the first group of students that we had the privilege of influencing for all four years of high school graduated, to include our oldest son. We just thought we grieved then! Up until that point we had been equippers and senders, and only goers short term. In January of 2022 that changed, and the call to “go” was heard and accepted. Resigning from youth and stepping away from those families we had grown so attached to was gut-wrenching.
Our oldest was nearly through with his associate’s degree with Liberty University and decided to start work at Nucor, following in Shaun’s footsteps. This meant we had to leave him behind. The family of five who stayed together pretty much 24/7 except for the hours that Shaun was at work, was now missing an entire member.
Adventure was on the horizon as we were doing an interim stint in Indiana and were traveling ahead of an incoming snowstorm! That was probably the only thing that kept me and the kids from crying the entire drive as Shaun had gone up the week before us. We’ve only seen that much snow one other time in our lives when some friends, who we consider family, invited us to their home in New Mexico with them on vacation, but snow melts…
As the snow melted, so did our excitement of the new adventure and we found ourselves in another charming little town, but knowing no one, not knowing how to get anywhere without Google Maps, feeling unknown, unseen, grieving the loss of all things and people familiar, especially our son—being very untethered.
No one really warned me about the minor irritations of just not knowing how to get places, not being able to find the same foods, visit the same chain restaurants. I learned what a comfort familiarity had been and how much I hadn’t recognized or appreciated it before.
Six months later, after an intense interview process, Shaun was offered and accepted an operations manager position in Virginia. More unfamiliar. More unknown. No snow in Southern Virginia to speak of, but we are an hour from the beach and smack dab in the middle of some amazing history! That’s still not enough excitement to overcome some of the toughest mental battles yet.
Losing Identity and Finding God’s Purpose
In Texas, our entire family was serving in our local church body together. Shaun and I served our community on the board of directors of the Chamber of Commerce (2021 was my favorite town Christmas celebration if I do say so myself). I owned and operated a gun shop and training center as a certified instructor. We had cultivated a reputation and credibility from years of service and doing life together with our community. We were known.
Moving to Virginia, Shaun’s reputation preceded him to a degree because he is still with Nucor; mine did not. I entered into a tailspin of lost identity and lost purpose. I could plainly see how God had enlarged Shaun’s sphere of influence and how he was being used, but I could not see the same thing for me.
Virginia is much more restrictive than Texas in a lot of areas that I had previously operated in, and I just felt so untethered—less like a hot air balloon that does have some control over how high it goes and for how long and more like a helium-filled balloon whose string had slipped from a child’s grasp on a windy day.
The Physical Toll of an Untethered Life
The stresses of all of it, not to mention securing a safe place to live that we could at least bring some of our animals to, I had allowed to have detrimental effects to my body. Cortisol, the stress hormone and not having any regular exercise does not do a body or mind good! Starting over is hard, more so when your hubs doesn’t have to start over as much as you do and if not held in check can lead to resentment.
After I graduated from seminary, I knew I didn’t know all the stuff. I couldn’t believe they were letting me walk across the stage with a Master’s degree! It was the same way when we finished our “Counseling By the Book” Biblical counseling certificate program.
In fact, prior to this season, Shaun and I had done quite a bit of counseling, and this season taught me as much—if not more—in some areas as all of our classes did. I can truly empathize with people I couldn’t have in areas I could not have before.
Wrestling with the Desire for Heaven
I can’t tell you how many tears I’ve shed through this season, how much I wished for death. There’s a difference between being suicidal and understanding Paul’s words in Philippians 1:21: “For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
Life isn’t always sunshine and sparkles, and neither is living out your calling—just look at the disciples! But “heaven will surely be worth it all!” Longing for Heaven because your mind can’t even comprehend how amazing it will be, especially in contrast to this broken world, is not the same as being suicidal.
But, choosing not to do basic everyday skills—like shower, clean up after yourself, move your body, soak up sunshine, read The Word, eat real food, engage in your home and with the people around you—those things are not okay, or healthy. I went through that phase too.
Choosing Trust Over Comfort
While I sit and reflect, I’m not 100% certain what my new grand purpose is in this season. But I trust God. I know I am His, and I know that He is all good. As long as I trust Him and acknowledge Him, He will direct my path.
I know that doesn’t look like the landing crew that guides planes into the airport jetbridge, but I have His Word and I know ultimately I’m supposed to love Him and love others—so I have an outline of things I can do every day!
If I’m writing my daily lessons or musings and it helps one person to feel seen, heard, and keep going, then that’s plenty. I do miss our family and friends in Texas, and Texas itself, but I’m not sorry that I’ve gone through this. I’m already seeing how it has grown me and those around me, and specifically how it has grown my faith.
That’s reason and purpose enough for God to send us. Anything that draws you closer to Him—even if it hurts and is hard—is worth it and purpose enough. By becoming untethered, I find myself completely tethered to Him alone.
💬 Let’s keep the conversation going… Have you ever felt God untether you from something familiar? I’d love to hear your story. Share your thoughts in the comments or send me a message — I read every one. And if you want encouragement like this sent straight to your inbox, subscribe so you don’t miss a post.
Raychel Writes 