Every day I open some platform of social media and I see a news article or shared post for prayer because someone has committed suicide. I’ve attended funerals for people, loved ones, who have succumbed to the heaviness in their mind and taken their own lives. It’s heartbreaking and something that Christians especially, should be doing more to offer hope and help about. Unfortunately, too often the evangelical community inadvertently, due to a lack of understanding, particularly with personal experience, perpetuates a taboo sort of stigma in regard to depression.

My husband, who loves me and loves the Lord, who has been to seminary and has studied Biblical counseling and even completed a certificate program, who has served alongside me in ministry for years, doesn’t and has never struggled with depression. I who also love him and love the Lord, have also been to seminary and studied alongside Shaun in the same Biblical counseling classes, sometimes struggle with both anxiety and depression. Shaun cannot relate to me exactly because he doesn’t struggle in the same ways that I do, but because he loves me and he lives with me and sees me daily, tries very hard to minister to me and support me, especially on the rough days. He sees all of my Bible study books scattered about the house, he receives my random texts about something exciting I connected in my daily reading or a new study, he receives my texts about prayer for him, our kids, friends, family, and his teammates. He has witnessed, once even in the last week, me sharing the gospel and attempting to help a person I had just met understand the pain and suffering of this world.

He has also seen, this week, me break down in tears, feeling unworthy, and undesirable because I’ve put multiple resumes out and job applications out with no fruitful results, to have been so active and passionate about serving the Lord in our previous church, only to not be able to find a place where we are currently located. To feel invisible, certainly humbled, nothing special, and apart from the fact that I have 3 amazing happy, healthy children who are well educated, one with a degree and a job positively contributing to society and doing the adult thing, one 15 hours from her first degree and she’s not even 18, the 3rd 24 hours into his first and just turning 16, and ALL 3 KNOWING and LOVING the Lord, their eternity secured through repentance and faith in Jesus as Savior and Lord……ok when you type that out its not nothing…….but other than that and a stack of degrees and certificates with a lot of non-traditional teaching and managing experience feeling like I have nothing else to show for my 41 years.

I’m the first to admit that just because someone has a degree doesn’t mean they get the job or should even be in that field, but I do have personal experience and the testimony of both clients, my kids/students, and of those I have served, but it feels like none of that counts. Your mind goes to crazy places and tells you that yes, those people supported, affirmed, helped, and loved you while you were giving them your time and resources but not now. You can rationally look and see that you have blessings piled up a mile high or more and have no reason to be sad, but there it is, and you even get frustrated with yourself because you know better, but you still feel this way.

The one place that you should feel safe coming to and having people put their arms around you and love you and walk through it with you doesn’t. Because for some reason, rather than being vulnerable with each other, we view vulnerability as a weakness and if you say these things even at church its taboo. You either are participating in unrepentant sin or you aren’t reading your Bible enough, or you aren’t praying enough, or you aren’t serving enough. Or you make people feel uncomfortable because you’re actually honest and transparent and are attempting real connection rather than hiding it. Never mind that we are supposed to “bear one another’s burdens”(Galatians 6:2) and that we are “competent to counsel”(Roamans 15:14) each other when we are in Christ studying and serving alongside each other. We are so worried that someone will think we don’t have it all together and because our worldy society has taught us the dog-eat-dog ideology, we synchronize that with church and keep on pretending there too.

Listen, I can tell you that I am completely praying and willing to allow Jesus’ “eyes like flaming fire”(Rev 1:14) to look down into my soul and burn out my impurities, I pray that he reveals areas of my life that I need to repent in and I do. I love the Lord, I want to serve Him, I want and do share Him with others. I do read my Bible and find more and more to love and worship Him for every day.

My struggle with depression isn’t because I don’t trust God enough, or have hidden sin in my life! Honestly, if I didn’t understand God’s word or His love for me and others, I would probably be one of the statistics. I “feel” Paul when he said, “for me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” I know I have a perfect Heaven to look forward to with my perfect and loving Savior, I can’t even begin to imagine how wonderful it’s going to be because my human mind has not seen anything wonderful enough to relate it to. But I also know that unless we the church( the actual body of believers..not the building) don’t take the gospel message to this world and actually disciple people they won’t have the same hope and assurance we do. This means I will need to live in this fallen and broken world to live out my purpose under Jesus’ authority. Living in a fallen broken world dominated by Satan means I’m going to be exposed to things that cause me to suffer. My sufferings are nothing like what others have endured, even to the point of death, but they are still real. So that’s me, that’s my testimony about it but I’m not the only one.

Did you know one of the greatest preachers of all time suffered with depression as well? Charles Spurgeon prayed this in his autobiography,

“Thou art my Father, and I am Thy child, and thou as a father, art tender and full of mercy. I could not bear to see my child suffer as Thou makest me suffer; and if I saw him tormented as I am now, I would do what I could to help him, and put my arms under him to sustain him. Wilt thou hide thy face from me, my father? Wilt thou still lay on me thy heavy hand, and not give me a smile from thy countenance?”

Charles Spurgeon-from his autobiography

Clearly he knows and believes in the Lord and clearly he’s heavily vexed. In his sermon the saddest cry from the Cross,” he says;

“Quite involuntarily, unhappiness of mind, depression of spirit, and sorrow of heart will come upon you. You may be without any real reason for grief, and yet may become among the most unhappy of men.”

Charles Spurgeon from his sermon “The Saddest Cry of the Cross”

Spurgeon recognized there often isn’t any real reason for his depression but the grief just comes. Spurgeon’s life has already been analyzed by Biblical scholars and all agree he was a spiritual giant. His sermons are studied in seminaries world wide and they still counsel and lead and teach others about Christ after his death! Yet, he admits to struggling with depression and anxiety. Google it and read through his sermons! My intent is this, if you’re reading this and you’re struggling and thinking you can’t be a good Christian and participate in the work of the Kingdom, understand that’s false! That is exactly the kind of attack Satan would employ to take you out of the race so he doesn’t have to worry about you sharing the gospel or discipling. He wants to so cripple you in your mind so that you are useless for the Kingdom. Don’t let him. Show up even on the bad days! If you don’t struggle and you’re reading this, please issue grace toward us. I’m the first to admit that sometimes our (all humans) turmoil can be caused from sin, by poor decisions we make that we need to recognize, be broken hearted over, ask forgiveness for, and turn away from (repent). Sometimes other people’s sin affects us negatively causing sorrow, and sometimes just like Spurgeon, its sudden and seemingly unprovoked. We need you to hold space for us, and be with us, and keep our hands on the plow, encourage us in the Lord, and walk alongside us gently pointing to Him and the hope and assurance we have. We aren’t unfit, unreliable, or undependable, we are broken crayons that by the grace of God alone are totally capable of coloring! Let’s Untether from those thoughts as we battle to take our thoughts captive and focus them on the will of Christ,” (2 Corinth 10:5) and “focus on things that are true, pure, lovely, and Holy.” (Phil 4:8) Being vulnerable enough to admit where you struggle is perhaps the greatest display of bravery. I’ll close with a quote a friend shared this morning, coincidentally she has held space for me, and I have attempted to do the same for her. She too struggles in different ways, but she has a brilliant mind and a sold-out heart for the Lord too, and so, when given the opportunity, “we lean on each other, so we don’t have to sleep with our heads in the mud”-Bubba (Forest Gump).

Please don’t read this as a condoning of walking with someone in sin or participating in it. Don’t read this as enabling someone to sin either. As you hold space for someone you may find that the relationship that you build DOES IN FACT impact the outcome, hopefully in a positive and Jesus giving way!

What does it mean to hold space for someone else? It means we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control.

Heather Plett-Becoming Unbusy